As you are reading this, please know that if you have lost someone dearly to you, I know how you feel.
It kind of all happened at once. You come home from school, see your mom and she has this look on her face. You ask her what's wrong and she tells you that someone you love with all your heart has passed away. You don’t know whether you should scream, cry, or just stand there as a black abyss of sadness takes over your body. She asks if you are okay and you just walk away in disbelief that this could even be happening right now. You get to your room and before the door even closes you just start crying uncontrollably. All you can think about is, why? Why did this have to happen? Why didn't I spend more time with them? Why couldn't it have happened to someone else?
Flash forward a couple months later. You get accepted into a wonderful program and all you want to do is call them and tell them about it, but you can’t. And here comes the black abyss again. You remember telling them about it and how excited you both were about what an amazing opportunity it was! At this point, all you can do is hope that they are watching over you and hoping that they are proud of you and are just as excited about it as you are.
Now flash forward again but this time, a couple years later. You are a senior in high school, and you have an amazing boyfriend that you wish they could meet because you know that they would have loved them. You’ve been in that amazing program that you told them about for almost 3 years, you have been with your boyfriend for 2 years, you got accepted into all the colleges you applied to, and are doing amazing things with your life. But all you wanna do at this point is pick up the phone and call them. But you can’t so again so you hope that they are watching over you and is proud of everything that you're doing because honestly, that's all you've ever really wanted.
You would do anything for them to come back and hug you one last time, have them tell you that they love you, be there for your high school graduation and be the loudest person in the stands and you will be a little embarrassed, but that's okay because you know it's out of how much love they have for you. And most of all you want them to be there when you get married and walk you down the aisle and meet their grandkids and love them as much as they loved you. And everything will seem perfect. But you know that's not how it works out and it upsets you. But you know they are watching over you, and they love you with all their heart, and they are proud of you and nothing will change that.
