To all the single ladies out there looking for a different kind of love, a married man is NOT the way to go. I've heard from gossip circles that married men have the “experience”. They know what women want physically, romantically and emotionally because they have been there. They know what is expected in a relationship. And somehow married men seem “sexier” then single men.

Many women have the issue of always wanting what they can't have. They want their love life to simulate the love scenes on TV or the movies but take it from someone who's been there, done that – dating (or trying to) date a married man will get you into deeper s**t than you can ever get into by yourself.

In many cases these types of relationships (if that's what you want to call it) will end in domestic disputes, restraining orders, violence or in extreme cases, death.

As a woman you need to put a woman's head on your body and judge the validity of this type of “relationship” and think about it objectively. How do you really feel about being the side chick? He will ALWAYS put his wife first no matter what while you are waiting in the shadows until she leaves to pick up “leftover love.” In fact putting yourself in this type of position, metaphorically speaking, will leave you in left-over status. After everyone is tired of left-overs, they throw them away. That is inevitable in this type of relationship. But wait, some women will say “at some point he will dump his wife and marry me. I think I'll start looking for a wedding dress first thing this afternoon.”

Again this is a type of security blanket that some women use to validate themselves. This is also a BIG LIE used to lead them on further into the relationship. It's all about complete and utter deception. You end up deceiving yourself and the guy deceives you and his wife.

I almost got caught up in this web of deception years ago. I met a tall, dark, handsome Jamaican man at the bank who couldn't take his eyes off me. He approached me and said I was quite beautiful and he wanted to get to know me better. He asked me for my number but I knew better. I asked for his and promised I would call. Later on in a moment of loneliness I called him and we spoke for hours. I thought everything was going well and he called several times that week during the wee hours of the morning. I thought this was an odd time to call but he said he had another job and that was the only time he can call. After I got the courage, I decided to call him one evening. Someone picked up the phone but did not answer. I then heard a man and woman arguing in the background about child support. My heart sunk, “Oh s**t he's married, divorced, or something.” I didn't hang up because I wanted to hear the details. Finally he gets on the phone and says, “I'll call you back.”

He called back the next day and I let out a barrage of questions.

Me: “Why didn't you tell me you were married?!”

Guy: “I'm not. Well I'm going to get separated from my wife anyway so that still counts as not being married.”

Me: “In my book you're still married until you're divorced.”

Guy: “I hate my wife so that's why I'm looking for someone else.”

Me: “How do you expect me to date you if you and your wife still live together?”

Guy: “Well I was hoping to sneak you in after she goes to work.”

Me: “Wait, what?! “So you think I'm some type of woman of the night?”

Guy: “Well aren't you all?”

That ticked me off on all levels. I proceeded to tell him that our little tryst was over. He begged me to come over so we can talk. I asked him sarcastically if he wanted me to come over when his wife was there or not there.

Guy: “ I see you got jokes. I'm not laughing. I want us to have a serious relationship.”

Me: “Will that be before or after the divorce?”

Guy: “I'm not divorcing her, its too expensive.”

Me: “So you want me to be your side chick?”
Guy: “ Why do you have to give it a name?”

Me: “ You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's either her or me not both.”

Guy: “ OK now you're being a b**ch.”

Me: “Really?!” Click.

He called and left several messages claiming how “childish” I was acting. He also called me one last time and said he will never leave his wife but still wanted his freedom.

“Call me.” Trust me I deleted his number and ended up changing mine. That was the end of that.

Tragically I ran into him a month after that and he said he and his wife had a fight about me. She threw a wine glass at him and he suffered a severe cut on his arm. In response he punched her in the face and she called the police and filed a restraining order against him. Now he lives with a friend. He still had the nerve to ask again if I was still interested. Of course I lied and told him I was engaged. Imagine if I was still hot in the pants to get involved with this jerk, surely I would have been hurt or worse.

Ladies, just know that you deserve to be 1^st in line when it comes to relationships. If he can't put you first ahead of the pack then hold your head high and take out the garbage.