I’m one of the lucky ones. I live with my best friend, and we never fight. I think the only time we had an issue was when she went to a mac and cheese event without me, but we got over that one pretty quickly. She and I are practically inseparable. We share everything: meals, Netflix accounts, the cost of groceries, and our calendars, so we always know where the other one is. My best friend is a caregiver, and after going through a lot of hardships this semester, I’m truly lucky to be able to come back to her at the end of a tough day, sit down on her bed, and just hug it out. She’s always right there when I need her. As a person who sometimes has issues being alone, she’s a blessing. But when she fell ill and had to go home for a week to recuperate, I was faced with the task of waking up without her as my alarm clock, cooking meals for one, and falling asleep to the sound of silence. It wasn’t fun, but I learned a lot about myself by finally living alone.

The first thing I learned is that in college, when your roommate goes away for an extended period of time, you start to infiltrate their side of the room. I ended up using her bed and desk to put things down when cleaning and looking for other items. (Sorry about that, by the way.) By the time she had texted me that she was coming back, the contents of her side of the room included: 3 shoes of mine, two empty bottles, my book bag, my laptop, an empty pizza box, and one of my Spanish reading assignments. I couldn’t help it, I just had so much more space to spread out and occupy. So when I got that text that she was ten minutes away, it was a mad dash to get rid of the trash (aside from myself) and throw all of my clothes and belongings into the closet to make her parents think I’m a respectable human being. I managed to fool them yet another time.

It’s so much more difficult to wake up in the morning alone when you’re used to hearing a familiar voice welcoming you to the day. Okay, so usually I wake up to the sounds of my best friend rushing to get to her 8am class, cursing because she woke up too late, and stumbling around because she’s trying not to wake me, but you get used to these types of things. But when we have to wake up at the same time, it’s beautiful. Whenever we get the chance to synchronize our mornings, we really thrive. I’m inspired to do my hair in a style other than a basic ponytail, and I branch out beyond my typical jeans and hoodie look. We swap clothes and outfit ideas, and high five as we stand side by side in front of the bathroom sinks and brush our teeth at the same time. Without her there as my makeshift alarm clock and motivator, I learned to be my own morning inspo, and find reasons to get out of bed other than seeing my best friend’s beautiful face.

I’m not the best at being social. I’m pretty attached to my best friend and have been stuck in the mindset that I don’t need any other friends. But by the second day of just going to classes, work, and returning to my dorm, I got pretty lonely. So I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and spoke to people in my classes that I hadn’t met before. I texted acquaintances and old friends and made dinner plans. I called my family that I hadn’t spoken to a while and caught up. It was really nice, actually. I met some new people, I broadened my circle, and I felt much more confident about my ability to thrive in social situations.

Self-care is much easier when you have someone sitting across from you reminding you that you have to eat and shower and go to sleep at a reasonable hour. I honestly think I just spent the first day eating candy. And the second day. And by the third day when I ran out of groceries, I was eating the cheapest, most sugar-filled food I could find on campus. But that wasn’t the smartest idea, and when my best friend asked me how I was doing in those domains, I couldn’t lie to her and I pushed myself to get out of bed and eat a salad and drink some water. It was a step in the right direction for me, and I know I’ll keep these habits up now that she’s returned to me.

I think the most rewarding lesson I learned was that it’s okay to be by yourself, because it doesn’t actually mean you’re alone. I usually do whatever I can to avoid being myself, which isn’t always the healthiest. But spending some time just to think about my own path has been very productive. I started journaling again, writing down my personal goals both short-term and long-term. I caught up on some shows and went to some campus events by myself to explore my creative side. I became comfortable with myself, and tried to be my own best friend. But I knew no matter what, anyone else was just a phone call or a text away, and that made it much more bearable for me.

I love my best friend. If I could, I’d spend all day long with her and I’d never be bored, irritated, or tired. I’m so impressed by her work ethic, poise, and generosity. As a person who tends to struggle with the little things, I really channeled all of my admiration for her this past week and tried to emulate her behaviors to be more like her, with my own twist. Okay, so I didn’t go out and run a mile like she would, and I definitely didn’t study the same amount of hours she does in a typical day. But the week without her by my side was an opportunity for growth that I did not miss. I feel better about myself now. I feel that now, as she still heals, I can take care of her the way she always takes care of me. And more importantly, I can take care of myself.