My grammy was someone I thought would always be there. She was more than just a grandmother. She was a friend, an incredible mother, a loving wife, a talented knitter, cook and a huge personality. Her laugh filled the room. She brought family and friends together with her wonderful presence. About a year ago, our family and friends were devastated to hear she was diagnosed with a severe form of pancreatic cancer. She surpassed the doctors' predictions of time, but on May 29, everything came to a stop. What some thought was a seizure on Saturday night turned into an exhausting week with the family by her side. This week had some incredible hardships, but it is also important to understand what was learned by it all.
1. You can't control where, when, or how much you'll cry.
Some people in the family cried every day that week, others cried only when they were alone and some didn't cry at all. No matter what, tears did not measure the amount of love or loss felt by us all. Sometimes all you can do is cry, and there will be someone there to get you through it.
2. Family is sometimes the only thing that will help.
This is said so often when it comes to death, but it couldn't be said enough. When you didn't know how to react or how to feel, there was a family member there for you. The week was spent with family members that I was used to only seeing a handful of times a year. There we were, all together for an entire week. We learned a lot about each other, but, most importantly, we got each other through one of the toughest weeks of our lives. It helps to be with people who understand the loss you're going through, and sometimes it is the only thing that distracts you.
3. The phrase "sorry for your loss" is said so many times over the week that you don't know what it means anymore.
Although said with great purpose, the phrase "sorry for your loss" is so overused that you sometimes don't really see it as genuine. How could all your pain and grief be helped by that small little phrase? Trust me, I was definitely grateful to the people who said it. However, hearing it about a thousand times blends everything together into this ominous, strange bubble of condolences. It made me think, what else could be said to someone to stand out? Is there another thing to say to be more genuine about your sympathy?
4. Dogs react in mysterious ways.
In the house that week, there were three dogs: Wally and Sophie, who are my dogs, and Molly, who is my grammy and papa's dog. During the hardship, the dogs knew something was going on. Molly specifically was moping around all week with a sad look in her eyes as if she knew something was happening to her owner. She spent every second she could in the bed with grammy, and it truly broke my heart. I needed to stop and think, how do dogs live without someone who was so present in their life? A man's best friend is truly there for you until your last breath, and this week proved it tenfold.
5. You will get food. A lot of food.
The amount of people who dropped off food, sent gift baskets filled with cookies and bags full of bagels somehow made the process a little more bearable. Although the fridge was always stuffed to the capacity, the thoughtfulness that came from it was very heartwarming. Although my family doesn't drink, the amount of Diet Coke that was consumed was extraordinary. Some people turn to alcohol during a time of need, but my family turned to carbs and Diet Coke. There could be worse things, right?
6. It is so hard to put 74 years of memories on only four poster boards.
As stated before, my grammy was one of the most popular people I know. My whole family joked that she had a better social life than all of us. She was constantly busy with knitting groups, breakfast dates and hangouts with her friends. With that being said, trying to include everyone on four poster boards was overwhelming. She touched the lives of so many, and the pictures were superfluous. She was so much more than just four poster boards that were seen in the funeral home, and everyone knew that.
7. Wakes are incredibly exhausting.
The line for my grammy managed to loop around the block in the rain for about an hour. After that, the people entering did not end. Although it was fantastic to see so many people, the handshaking and "thank you's" can take so much out of you. However, the sympathy was not overlooked. The people who came thoroughly warmed my heart and helped the whole family cope with the loss of one of the best people in their lives.
8. You remember who reached out. And you remember those who didn't.
As stated before, the amount of people who reached out was superfluous. However, you start to notice who did something to help and who didn't. Although it sounds awful, in your head you subconsciously put people into categories. For example: who went to the wake, who went to the funeral, who sent flowers and who did nothing at all. It isn't fair to rank people in their sympathy, but it is fair to be upset about people who didn't do something. You deserve to be upset that so-and-so didn't go to the wake. Your feelings are completely valid.
"We love you more than ice cream!"
