As a member of the Millennial generation, I am fully aware of our many strengths. As a community, we are incredibly knowledgable in the use of technology; we have a strong social media presence and understand how to properly manipulate the internet in order to better our employer's business. We are often strong advocates for change in our societies and are vocal about injustices faced around the world.
Despite these many strengths as a generation, we also experience many shortcomings. I believe that, while we struggle in many different aspects of life, we tend to encounter most problems when it comes intimacy.
I have been in a relationship for over five-and-a-half years. We're getting married next summer and I could not be more excited. But despite the knowledge that this young man and I have chosen each other to spend our lives with, we still struggle to connect on meaningful levels everyday. We get caught up in homework, jobs, video games, and other friendships.
But yesterday was one of those days that comes around once in a full moon and I felt an overwhelming sense of closeness to him.
Zach had just finished showering and he made a comment about needing to shave. He works a lot and the idea of giving attention to his face is not on his list of priorities. I'll admit, his face is on its way from "a bit scruffy" to "is he growing a beard?" He has mentioned once or twice that he has thought about just growing out his facial hair, but he never went forward with it. When I mentioned this to him, saying something along the lines of "You could just trim it a little if it's bothering you," he held out a pair of scissors and asked me to do it. I was surprised; I'm an epically clumsy gal, but he trusted me to clean up his face with a pair of scissors.
We placed a damp towel around his neck and he sat on his bathroom sink. I took the scissors and began snipping at the hair. During those next ten minutes, I experienced such intimacy with him that tears almost began to well within my eyes.
In the entirety of our relationship, our faces have been close to one another many, many times. But it was only now that I felt like I was truly seeing him. I saw that the hair on his jaw wasn't just blonde; there were coarse dark-brown hairs, hair that was so blonde it was translucent. I saw his jaw, but also the sharp line it created and the bumps of the bone beneath his skin. I saw the small pores on his face and watched as the muscles in his neck stretched when my scissors began to trim under his chin. I felt his stormy blue eyes on me as I worked. I placed my free hand on the back of his neck, trying to hold this sculpted man in my hands as I worked to shave him, and I felt beneath my thumb the soft skin that meets under his ear.
We were so close in that moment. We weren't beside each other, together but apart, looking at our phones. We were just two people who love each other, standing in a bathroom, one trusting the other to be so close to his face with scissors and the other steadying her hand to keep his handsome face safe. We were silent and we were emotionally intimate.
Our generation is quite familiar with sexual intimacy; you can search Google any day of the week to find new articles and studies about the Millennial "hook up" culture. We are the first generation to "be cool with openly sleeping around with one another and not being judged by others" (Paul Hudson, Elite Daily). While the idea of "not judging" is a positive one, casual sexual relationships have begun to deteriorate our emotional intimacy with one another. "Many millennials seek relationship advice from peers who are often struggling themselves, and they rely on electronic means to communicate and 'work' on their relationship difficulties, rather than developing essential in-person conflict resolution and communications skills," writes Merav Gur of The Huffington Post.
Our ability to communicate intimately with somebody "in-person" is suffering. Our greatest strengths in social media and technology help us climb the ranks in our jobs, but threatens our interpersonal relationships.
So how do we attempt to improve such important aspects of our lives?
Put down the cell phone. Turn off the computer. Go an hour or two without social media and give your man a shave. I caught a glimpse of this closeness as I held my love's head in my hands, and now I yearn for that intimacy daily. I'm willing to ignore the internet for the rest of my life if it means sharing deep emotional connections like the one I experienced so recently.
When we disconnect our brains from the bright glass screen, when we look around ourselves and see the green trees or yellow painted walls, when take time to truly look at one another and see the depths of each other's faces, maybe then we'll be on the right track toward intimacy.
