After spending an entire summer and now, an entire winter break as a camp counselor for kids of all ages, I’ve finally become somewhat professional at decoding their language. Here are a few phrases that I’ve come to know quite well, and how I’ve learned to interpret them over time.
What is said: “I can’t do it.”
What is meant: “This is a task that I am fully capable of doing. Not only am I fully capable of doing it, I am aware that I am capable, but I’d prefer you do it because I currently want your attention/haha I tricked you.”
This phrase is used all the time, for any reason, with even the most behaved child. “I can’t” put my jacket on because it’s inside out and apparently this is a new concept to me. “I can’t” tie my own shoe because you are my slave and I would rather watch you, a giant person, tie my tiny shoe, etc. etc. Do not fall victim to this phrase at the drop of a hat, it’s such a rookie mistake.
What is said: “I didn’t hear you!”
What is meant: “I most definitely heard you and could repeat back to you right now exactly which rule/expectation I just deliberately failed to follow but don’t want to take credit for.”
This is most popularly used within ages 5-6, as these sticky little humans slowly graduate from preschool to big-kid land. This excuse is valid for those first couple years of life, but if your own ears are ringing by how loudly and frequently you repeat rules and warnings, you can expect that the average 5 year old heard you as well.
What is said: “You look ugly today, are you sick?”
What is meant: “You really look ugly and I am very convinced you’ve fallen ill.”
Basically, if you come to work sick and ugly, you’re going to get called out. Don’t take it personally.
What is said: “I hate you.”
What is meant: “You’ve done something to reprimand my behavior and I disagree with you to the extent that I am attacking how I feel about you, as a person.”
Once again, this is not a matter to take personally. If I had to recall the kids I’ve come across in my life who told me they “hated me” once, they’d be the same kids who told me they loved me five times more. Also, kids can be jerks and it’s okay to feel like you don’t get paid enough to be bullied by 4 feet of pure child rage.
What is said: “Want to watch me do a backflip?”
What is meant: “I AM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING VERY DANGEROUS THAT I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO DO AND I WILL HURT MYSELF AND PROBABLY OTHERS IN THE PROCESS HAHAHAHA.”
Finding out you have an aspiring star gymnast/breakdancer in your group of kids is so inspiring, adorable, and the worst possible thing ever. These kids are willing to break their bones and the bones of their innocent by-standing peers if it means they have a shot at landing a flip off a table and impressing the crowd. Act immediately upon hearing this phrase.
What is said: “I love you.”
What is meant: “I love you.”
The best part about kids is that they love you immediately, unconditionally, and without cost or charge. If you think about it too long this can also be seen as a huge personality flaw (stranger danger, hello), but these innocent little souls only mean the best with their bottomless pits of love. If a kid loves you, you should probably do your best to love them back. It’s your moral obligation as a human.
So there you have it, some of the world’s greatest mysteries debunked by an amature child care employee. If there’s one thing to take away from this, it’s that sometimes kids need you to listen in more ways than one, or you just might miss the real message. Or, you’ll just hear loud and clear how ugly you look, once again. It’s worth the risk.
