Love is beautiful. It’s enjoying the little things of life, spending time together, meeting family, adopting pets, and so many other things. But it can get really messy. There are fights, hurtful words, and sometimes slammed doors. Sometimes you really do want to quit. You think to yourself, How can we ever come back from this? I don’t know if I can keep this up anymore. But you do - because loving that person means resolution and forgiveness.
When you enter the year mark of a relationship, there many lessons you learned during that time. My current relationship is the only one I’ve ever had that lasted longer than six months. Now I certainly know plenty of people who have been in multiple year-long relationships, and that’s great. But for someone like me who has never had that before, it really puts things into a new perspective.
Devin, my boyfriend, has been one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. He’s kind, caring, works hard, and most importantly, loves me. He always cheers me on with anything I set my mind to. He’s also going back to school this fall to pursue a new career. (Plus he’s got a really great beard, so what’s not to love about that?)We have been through a lot in the past year, and we definitely have a much longer road ahead of us.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned about relationships in a year:
Learn to forgive.
Forgot to take the trash out? Forgive. Said something hurtful? Forgive. Didn’t do something you asked them to do a thousand times? Forgive. Small things certainly aren’t worth losing your love. Sure there will be times it isn’t as easy as others. If you do need some time, let your partner know. But still forgive.
Communicate.
You would think this would be a no-brainer, but sometimes it isn’t that simple. Words can get misconstrued. You can forget to say something. You can be belligerent and say nothing at all. But not talking doesn’t really solve anything. If you feel hurt or wronged, say something. It can be uncomfortable, but it will be worth speaking out in the end.
Pick your battles.
This goes along with forgiveness and communication, but know that not everything is worth fighting about. Some fighting is healthy but fighting over minute things isn’t really worth it. Don’t make a big deal about something small.
Trust.
Once again this should be self-explanatory. But if you love someone, you do need to trust them. Concern is one thing, and paranoia is another; don’t be paranoid about every little thing they go out to do. Be confident in their choices. After all, they chose to be with you.
Compliment each other.
Everyone likes to be told good things about themselves. But sometimes in a relationship, you can get comfortable with not saying anything. Tell them you like their outfit or new haircut, that you appreciate something they did, or that you’re proud of them. Something so small can go a long way.
Spend time together.
Hopefully if you love someone, you will want to spend time with them. It doesn’t always have to be on a date. Doing things like going out for a milkshake at 10:30 at night or going grocery shopping is great too. Any little amount of time is still time spent together.
Find your “thing."
This will certainly be different for every couple. Just find something that the two of you enjoy doing together and do it. One of my favorite things to do with Devin is to cook a new recipe or grill on the weekend and play board games. It’s simple, but it is one of my favorite things we do to spend time together.
Don’t get stuck in a groove.
Seemingly contradictory to the previous point, don’t get stuck doing the same thing all the time. It can often be frustrating for both people in the relationship, so changing up a routine is a great way to avoid that. Maybe try a new restaurant or go somewhere you wouldn’t normally go. Ruts happen, but they are usually an easy fix.
Laugh with them.
People have often said that laughter is the best medicine. I think that is even truer in a relationship. Being able to laugh at almost anything together is a great feeling, even if it might be at their dumb and corny jokes. I think it even helps you bond more despite each other’s sense of humor.
Get to know each other’s family.
Most people probably don’t think this is overly important, but I have found it to be very helpful. I see it as you getting to know potential future in-laws, so why not start early? I have spent one-on-one time with most of Devin’s family, and they are all wonderful people. Learning about them helps me learn more about Devin. And they usually tell me stories Devin would likely never tell me himself. I also believe family is a vital part of life, so why not get to know and love them?
Keep some personal space.
Even though it is important to spend time together, it is equally important to spend time apart. Let your partner go out with their friends even though you’d prefer that they stay home. Sometimes you even need some alone time just to recharge. That’s okay too. Just remember it’s okay to take time for yourself.
“The look”.
It’s really multiple looks. The one that makes you laugh, the one that scares you, the one that makes you know what they’re thinking, and so on. It’s really special to have that connection with them.
You’re going to hate some things they do.
You may love the person, but some of what they do will drive you up the wall. They might put the toilet paper the wrong way, chew ice (my least favorite), snore, not pre-rinse dishes, and so on. It’s okay to dislike those things, but don’t let it start fights or get in the way of loving the person. Being different is okay.
Try new things together.
Getting to bond over new stuff is really great. It helps you learn new things to do while also getting to know each more. Who knows? Maybe one of the things you try will become a new tradition together.
