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What It's Really Like Being a Republican at a Liberal Arts College

Y'allz can come out of hiding now, lol.

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Ohhhh, so you’ve been feeling silenced, huh? WELL FEAR NOT, FRIENDS! Our time hath cometh: the formation of the official Republican Club at our college is currently in progress. It’s about time we had a little political diversity around here on our campus, yes? In the meantime, let us reminisce about all of our fun experiences that we have shared, thus far:


Naturally, you have to keep your beliefs a secret.

Too broke to pay for the hospital bills if I get shanked, tbh.


But if it accidentally slips out, there’s no turning back now…

DON’T PRETEND LIKE YOU DON’T STILL LOVE ME, THO.


If somebody confesses to you that they, too, are a fellow Reppy, you will squeal, and you will squeal loudly.

Our delight is unparalleled!


Even if you consider yourself a passionate feminist, once the phrase, “I’m a Republican” bubbles effervescently from your ill-fated lips, you will undoubtedly raise some eyebrows of those around you who cannot possibly comprehend how being a Republican is not synonymous with being stuck in the 1950s.

I mean, tbh, I -would- look hawt in an apron, but moving right along………


When the topic of having babies (or rather, not having them, if ya know what I’m sayin’…) sparks your sudden interest in what the floor looks like.

Maybe if I stare hard enough I will just melt into the ground and not have to continue this conversation.


It is universally acknowledged that a 20-something in possession of Republican values must be in want of a soul.

Wait… wait, Jane Austen, that’s not how it goes!


People just automatically assume you’re Catholic, even if you’re clearly not.

Like umm, did you not see my last name? Mazel tov to you, too, buddy…


You have some sort of elephant-shaped paraphernalia (lol @ donkeys, lol) in your dorm room to establish a healthy amount of a mood-setting, passive aggressive, “my place, my values!” kinda vibe.

No asses in my room, for real.


When people (professors, included…. *growls softly*) talk smack about your bae, capitalism, and your eyes well up with tears, people misunderstand your frustration for unabashed fervent passion and applaud you for your limitless personal depth.

TOO BAD THEY DON’T KNOW IT’S BC A LITTLE PART OF MY HEART JUST SHRIVELED UP AND DIED, LOLZ.


On that note, if you have one more homework assignment involving some reading about how "ignorant" Republicans are, you may just drop out of school, altogether.

Let us have some variety, okay...


Transferring seems like the only option to preserve your sanity, yet your masochistic side just can’t say goodbye this place you’ve been calling home, for some sick, twisted, unknown reason.

Blame it on the t- t- t- t- t- t- Toll House Pie ♫ xoxo, Jamie Foxx~

So, in all…. please take the hint! (Hint: It’s finally okay to crawl out of your hiding place and be proud of who you are and what you believe in! If you’ve been keeping your beliefs a secret, lest your peers belittle you for your identity, you know who to reach out to… because FINALLYYYYY, it’s our time to shine! *cue the rainbows and unicornz*)

Keepin' it real since 1994.

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