What It's Like To Have Anxiety

What It's Like To Have Anxiety

Ever wondered what it's like to have anxiety? Here's my personal experience with it.
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Hi, I'm Alix, I'm 19, and I deal with an anxiety disorder.

Over the course of my life, everyone always just said I was quiet, I was shy. Growing up though, I could tell it was more than that. "Shy" doesn't give you the feeling of impending doom when something is stressing you out, "shy" doesn't make you want to vomit when you're forced to interact with strangers. Of course, I'm quiet, but I'm thinking of a million things - most likely worse scenario to happen at any given moment. When I'm in a car and I'm quiet, I'm not listening to the music or what you're saying, I'm thinking what would happen if someone hit us head-on or what we would do if something in the car exploded.

When I'm walking around at night. I follow every precaution that prevents me from being kidnapped or whatever. Hair down, check. They usually target people who have their hair in a bun or ponytail. Fake talking on the phone so they think I'd have a witness, check. Every little thing I follow to a T, for no apparent reason.

Realistically, I know it's unlikely that anything like that would happen, especially on a college campus. But my anxiety, on the other hand, is constantly of a course crash of destruction in my mind going through and through every possible scenario. Some days, it's okay. Most days, I'm good at hiding how I'm feeling internally. People usually are so shocked that I love going to concerts with this disorder. Concerts are kind of a safe place for me, for some weird reason. However, don't think that the worst situations don't run through my mind a million times before I finally relax and enjoy life in the moment.

Anxiety is awful, it can feel like drowning while everyone else is living just fine. It can feel like a claustrophobic room, or maybe a dark hole that you keep falling down into and can't seem to stop falling. Take it from me, though. Anyone dealing with anxiety can beat it. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.

Now go out and conquer the world, YOU can handle this.

If you or someone you know is dealing with an anxiety disorder, here's a hotline:

CALL OR TEXT: 919-231-4525 | 1-877-235-4525

Cover Image Credit: pixabay

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I Tried To Lose Weight All My Life But Couldn't Shed The Pounds Until I Turned To God

Now it's easier than ever and I'm never looking back.

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It's amazing how good it feels to get rid of something that has felt like such a tall barrier in your life for so long. For years, and years, honestly, as many years as I can remember, I have felt held back by my weight. It's something that never truly left my mind, whether it was how I looked in my school uniform skort compared to other girls, how I looked in pictures, the thoughts that raced through my head lying in bed that night, or if what I ordered off the menu would make me look fat. It was always something.

Now I have tried, or so I thought I had. I had tried giving up carbs for two weeks, doing workout videos, or eating healthy, occasionally running, or honestly, anything I thought might help a bit. But there I was after a full year of college, heavier than ever.

It was then that I found my secret ingredient, it was then that I found the ultimate weight-loss secret: Prayer.

I found myself amidst a challenge that I didn't know if I was mentally strong enough to handle, faced against temptations of my wildest food dreams. Canes, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, oh my!

I had never thought once about offering up my prayers to God when it came to my weight. I'm not sure why, honestly. It was something that I had struggled with for so long, that it almost felt normal.

Now, when I feel tempted I ask myself a lot if this is the "abundantly more" that God promises us. If it isn't, then I don't pick it. Strength is a process, just like endurance or habits.

I have learned that by offering up the comparisons I feel at the gym, listening to podcasts while running, or Jesus music while practically swimming in my sweat, I am motivated to keep going, not dragged down by the progress I haven't made. I have learned to thank God for the journey He has taken me on so far, and for giving me the capability to overcome these hurdles.

Jesus Didn't die on the cross and tell us to get our butts out there and make disciples of all the nations just for us to sit and be upset with ourselves and compare ourselves to those tiny pictures on our screens. Let's go, we don't have time for that. We have work to do.

No, I'm not saying that if you pray for Jesus to make you lose 15 pounds, the weight will fall off, but I am saying that through Christ, all things are possible, and with Him by my side, the running doesn't feel as difficult.

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Forensic Science Helped Me Get Over My Fears

Interning helped me realize I am braver than I thought.

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As I talked about in a recent article, I have always had a bit of anxiety when it comes to things related to the medical field. Although I have overcome a lot since recognizing this issue, I still do my best to avoid them if I can.

For example, I avoid going to the doctors until I know I am actually sick, I look away when I get a shot, and I hold someone's hand when I am getting blood work. But there are some things that are simply unavoidable, and you just have to grin and bear it.

This summer, I was so thrilled to be working at an advanced studies summer camp that I went to myself not long ago. As a student, there was one class I avoided for sure — forensic science. I knew the basis of the class and that I was too faint of heart to handle it.

As a proctor at the camp, I got to express my preferences for which courses I wanted to intern in, but of course, there is no guarantee that you will get your preference since each class needs at least one intern. I was nervous when I saw that I would be interning in forensic science since it is the very class I avoided as a student.

My first instinct was to talk to people who took or interned in the class in the past, particularly to find out about the content that is taught and the nature of the person who teaches it. I was mostly trying to find out just how gory it is, and if it would be a major problem or something I could work through. After receiving varying opinions, I had no clue what to expect but decided to work through it.

On the first day of classes, the teacher said that if you are squeamish, this is probably not the class for you. I knew this was a fact, but as an intern, there was nothing I could do about it; I could not simply switch classes like the students do.

I decided to warn the teacher that I am squeamish, but that they really do not need to be worried about because I am aware of my limits and know when I need to step out or look away, and that I would be glad to assist any kids who feel the same way I do. To my surprise, the teacher was not only fine with it, but he also warns me prior to anything too gory so I can look away. However, in five short weeks, there have been many instances where the teacher cautions me about something and I decide that I want to try it despite their worries.

Maybe it is the fear of missing out on what the students are experiencing, or maybe it is me being braver than I thought and testing my limits. Either way, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn about forensic science and to go outside of my comfort zone every single day.

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