Hi, I'm Alix, I'm 19, and I deal with an anxiety disorder.
Over the course of my life, everyone always just said I was quiet, I was shy. Growing up though, I could tell it was more than that. "Shy" doesn't give you the feeling of impending doom when something is stressing you out, "shy" doesn't make you want to vomit when you're forced to interact with strangers. Of course, I'm quiet, but I'm thinking of a million things - most likely worse scenario to happen at any given moment. When I'm in a car and I'm quiet, I'm not listening to the music or what you're saying, I'm thinking what would happen if someone hit us head-on or what we would do if something in the car exploded.
When I'm walking around at night. I follow every precaution that prevents me from being kidnapped or whatever. Hair down, check. They usually target people who have their hair in a bun or ponytail. Fake talking on the phone so they think I'd have a witness, check. Every little thing I follow to a T, for no apparent reason.
Realistically, I know it's unlikely that anything like that would happen, especially on a college campus. But my anxiety, on the other hand, is constantly of a course crash of destruction in my mind going through and through every possible scenario. Some days, it's okay. Most days, I'm good at hiding how I'm feeling internally. People usually are so shocked that I love going to concerts with this disorder. Concerts are kind of a safe place for me, for some weird reason. However, don't think that the worst situations don't run through my mind a million times before I finally relax and enjoy life in the moment.
Anxiety is awful, it can feel like drowning while everyone else is living just fine. It can feel like a claustrophobic room, or maybe a dark hole that you keep falling down into and can't seem to stop falling. Take it from me, though. Anyone dealing with anxiety can beat it. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world.
Now go out and conquer the world, YOU can handle this.
If you or someone you know is dealing with an anxiety disorder, here's a hotline:
