Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you haven’t. Either way, there’s always one member of a group that’s the leader, the sage, the one that no one messes with, the one that is looked at as the voice of reason when things get chaotic, the one that has the final word, the one that the others go to when things aren't going well and the one to go to to ask, “Does this tie match my shirt?” before going out on a date.
I’ve heard about this concept in title from many of my friends that are women (usually without the tie question). Some tell me they’re the mom of their group of friends. That's what they call it.
If they’re not, they can identify the mom of their group of friends/roommates. And I get it. I know, because I’m a dad.
I’m the symbolic dad of my roommates. I live with five other guys in an apartment. They range in age from their late-teens to mid-twenties. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of instances where I’ve gone to the guys for advice and a listening ear, but when it comes down to it, I’m the oldest and most experienced. And with that status comes the position of being the metaphorical dad.
What does that entail exactly? Does it mean I have to wear socks with sandals? What about dad jeans paired with sneakers? Does it involve dad jokes? No. None of that is required. Besides, I wouldn’t be caught dead in socks and sandals, and don’t even get me started on dad jeans.
Anyway. Here’s what being the dad of your group does mean.
It means being the one that is asked to give advice on everything ranging from dating and relationships, to education, work, politics and style. It means being a good listener. It means being patient and realizing you weren’t too different from them a few years ago. Sometimes it means not giving advice because you realize they don’t need it and instead need to learn to think for themselves.
It also means finding yourself in situations where you have to say and do certain things. So, in no particular order, here are various personal examples of things that may need to be said and advice that may need to be given over time when you're the dad of your squad, with some GIFs added for your viewing pleasure:
“No, you shouldn’t date that woman. She's bad news.”
...Trust me.
“However, maybe you should ask that other woman out! She's cute and nice.”
...And just as weird as you are.
“Go to her apartment if you can and ask her out in person. That’s the best way.”
In person is always the best option. However, if it's not an option...
“No, don’t text her like that! Here, give me the phone… Okay, now send that. You’re welcome!”
Use proper spelling/grammar, and respect boundaries.
“Let me see that paper you’re working on before you turn it in… Okay, let’s look at this together.”
As an English major, my work here is done.“Leave room for second chances. It’s important to be forgiving and not close doors unnecessarily.”
I know.
“Make time for those you love and care about.”
Always treat them well.
"Don't ever talk to my friends like that! If you lay so much as one finger on them, I'll kick you in the throat and drag your face across the concrete!"
Sometimes you have to raise the hackles a bit and let people know that you're the dominant and protective type, despite being pretty laid back most of the time. Jokes aside, don't mess with my roommates and friends. You won't like the results.
“Don’t wear that shirt on your date.”
Random Side Note: Gilmore Girls was a great show and you should watch it. Now go change.
“Where did your pants go?”
...Do I even want to know the answer?
“Why is there ketchup on the ceiling?”
Literally my reaction.
“Oh! You’ve been studying Jackson Pollock for a class. Well, that explains the ketchup.”
...Yep.
“That’s a beautiful ring. I’m sure she’ll say yes. She’ll love it.”
Congratulations, man.
“You’ve grown up a lot since we met, and I’m proud of you.”
...I really am.
Being the dad of the group means watching them grow and become better men. It means helping them along the way, because you want to be the role model that you wish you’d had when you were leaving your teens, entering your twenties, and making it through those first few years of adulthood. In the process, you learn from them and also become a better person than you were before.
