I’m a terrible person, and I love it.

Of course, this type of judgment all depends first on the objective opinion on what “terrible” means. Am I the type of terrible that causes terror or awe? Am I the type akin to a serial killer or a person that tries to throw trash into a garbage can like a basketball and perpetually misses? How am I terrible?

Well, I have a lot of bad qualities. I like to manipulate and use things (or people) to my advantage. I take advantage of my situation to create a disadvantage for you. Just ask my suitemate, whom it took two weeks to realize that I had hid her colored pencils and convince her that she had misplaced it.

I’m judgmental. I’ll judge you on your appearance and say that you look like a homeless person, or like an absolute slut. I’ll judge you on your behavior, that you’re obviously trying to earn favoritism if you always ask a question in every lecture, or that you have confidence issues if you underage drink or smoke.

I’m ready to fight physically. My first instinct is to punch or kick, and I get aggressive easily.

I encourage lying. How often I’ve been told by someone that they got roped into going somewhere or doing something they really don’t want to do, only for me to advise to either say no, lie that he/she has a conflict with something else, or just go hide in the staircase when it’s time to go. I’ve also been told that I keep a convincing straight face when I’m lying.

And I do it all with a smile.

Now before I fully convince people to start avoiding me ignoring me and unfriending me on whatever social media platforms, mind you, I still have some decency in me. I’ll hold the door open, I’ll give you the right of way, I’ll help you with your homework, I’ll give you advice.

But what is masked beneath that superficial guise of kindness might be some kind of wit or nastiness. You think I gave you the right of way, when in fact you just cut me off and I’m behind you screaming that you go to hell and that you’re a particular set of four letter words. I’ll be proofreading your essays and wondering how in the world you made it to this level of education with your broken English. My best advice is to not be emphatic and to be extremely blunt.

Am I trying too hard to be funny? Am I trying too hard to be dominant?

Sure, maybe I can be a strong, unique person without being a condescending jerk, but where’s all the fun in that? I take pride in having an attitude that is uncharacteristic to the girls and intimidates the boys. I love it.

Sometimes I wondered what my friends think of me. What would they say if someone ever asked them about me?

I hope they’re honest and say that I’m manipulative, that I don’t like to take any excuses, that I’m sadistic.

I’m an awful person. I’ve a ticket to hell already, and I didn’t even order one.

But what if I’m matched? What if I fall victim to someone else just like me or maybe even worse? What if I find myself in a situation where I’m manipulated or judged harshly?

If it comes to that, I hope I’m entertained. I hope I’ll laugh. I hope I’ll take it and appreciate that someone else is terrible. I hope I realize that I don’t have to be an evil person to make it in life.

We’re all terrible people, even if we just don’t like to admit it.