Mother Nature is a fickle being. On the one hand, she encompasses some of the most extraordinary things like Niagra Falls, the world's glaciers, and the about 8.7 million species of living things that currently exist on this planet. On the other hand, Mother Nature also encompasses periods.
Now, this article isn't to shame periods or say that they're bad or icky. Periods are a natural part of having ovaries and there's nothing wrong with them, but I'd be lying if I said that they're not a bit of a hassle sometimes. The experience of having a period is also hard to explain to those who are ovary-less in a way they can truly understand, because it's not like the flu where everyone's had it (or could possibly could get it) and knows what it's like. It's an occurrence reserved strictly for those of us who were born with that ironically demonic-looking organ that brings us a free gift of mood swings, cramps, cravings, and ruined panties once every month.
1. When it's about that time of the month and you feel that first little dribble
Excuse me, Mother Nature, but I think you're lost. You already came here last month. Stop following me, like geez why are you so obsessed with me?
2. You imagine if your period was a person they would be staring at you while you sit on the toilet with your pants down and a stain on your panties like...
You can practically hear Mother Nature whispering in your ear and taunting you. "Oh, what's that? You're going on a trip to Cabo that took you months to plan and cost several months worth of salary so you can spend your days lying on the beach in that cute little bikini you just bought? HOW ABOUT NO."
3. When that dribble turns into a literal bloodbath
Someone just hose me off, please.
4. When you still don't want to accept the fact that this is going to be your fate for the next week
Please tell me it's just a nightmare.
5. When you hang out with a group of friends and you're the only one on your period
I need someone to suffer with. Anyone want to volunteer as tribute?
6. When your period is in full effect
Well, here goes a week of not knowing what I'm feeling or why. Cheers.
7. Don't get me wrong, you're fully capable of handling business like a boss when you're on your period. But there are just those moments where you sit there like...
Hmm, do I want a soft pretzel before I murder someone or after?
8. When the cramps hit
If Mother Nature could stop stabbing me in the uterus with a thousand tiny daggers, that would be great.
9. When your significant other doesn't know you're on your period and they come to your place to hang out
Oh, you poor naive soul.
10. When your significant other starts getting touchy with you
I don't know if you've heard of it, but there's this new thing called personal space.
11. 20 minutes later, you look at your significant other like...
It's like all of a sudden they're the only thing you want in this world.
12. When all you want in that moment is to be cuddled
PAY ATTENTION TO ME.
13. When your significant other gets butthurt about your mood swings
I didn't choose the ovary life. The ovary life chose me.
14. When your period is almost over but it refuses to go down without a fight
I'm getting real tired of your shenanigans, Mother Nature.
15. When you wake up the day after your period is supposed to end and there's no spotting in your panties
Could this really be the end?
16. When you've gone a whole day without bleeding
This is what dreams are made of.
17. Re-joining the world of non-bleeding people after your period like
The sky is the limit now.
18. Stowing your supply of pads and tampons back into the corner of the cabinet instead of having them sprawled out everywhere so you could grab one at a moment's notice like
It's like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders... and your ovaries.
