All of my life I’ve been told to act like a lady. “Sweetheart get out of the mud, it’s not ladylike”, yet all of the boys my age were playing in the dirt or mud. When a boy was mean to me as a kid I was told that he probably likes me. Maybe that boy did, but shouldn’t we be teaching our sons to respect girls and not hit them, and our daughters to not allow that behavior, even as small children? Why have we been taught our entire lives that male=dominant and female=submissive, and if a boy if mean to you he likes you.
It seems as though as girls we’ve been told that we were put on earth for the pleasure of boys. In middle school we couldn’t wear a shirt that didn’t have straps less than two finger widths wide. They didn’t tell us it was so we didn’t distract boys, but if we had asked that probably would have been told that as the reason. In junior high we had to have sleeves. In high school they separated girls from guys in PE and we could not show our shoulders and our shorts had to be a certain length and we couldn’t have holes in our jeans because heaven forbid boys with hormones take notice. We have sexualized shoulders, of all things, telling girls that their comfort means nothing when it comes to a boys education.
While growing up, no one ever talked to me about relationships and what to do if I were in an abusive relationship, much less how to tell if my relationship was abusive. Luckily, I’ve never been in a situation that I needed that information. No one taught me that sex has to be consensual, and that rape is not just saying no and it being forced on you anyways. No one tells you if you are raped you need to go to the emergency room ASAP and get evidence taken, you do not shower as it can destroy evidence. They do not tell you that if your rapist is a white college athlete with rich parents and goals that your rapist will get a lesser sentence than someone who got caught with marijuana. No one tells you that a rapist can get away with it even with evidence. I had to take classes in high school, that the majority of students didn’t take to learn these things. I had to watch the news and read social media to learn these things.
When people try to minimize rape culture and tell me or other women we need to dress more appropriately because too much skin is showing in my shorts and tank top because it is 100 degrees, I realize how big and hoe bad this problem is. I realize how badly we need to teach the younger generations that bodies are just that: bodies. Shoulders and legs are not sexual objects. Breasts are not sexual objects, they are meant to feed babies. Rape is never the victims fault. Being mean and hitting is not a sign of love, it is a sign of abuse. Most importantly, you owe nothing to anyone; you do not owe your body to a boy because he’s with you or he bought you something. The only thing you owe to anyone is respect, to yourself.
