What It's Like Struggling With Depression
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Health and Wellness

What It's Like Struggling With Depression

Depression is capable of being fought.

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What It's Like Struggling With Depression
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There are 350 million people in the world that struggle with depression and I am one of those people.

I have struggled with depression since the age of 10. I was first diagnosed with severe depression after one of four suicide attempts. At the ages of 10 to 14 1/2, I saw so much darkness. I had been bullied for many years, so a lot of pain came with that. It was deep and it was dark. I began taking medication for my depression in 2011 and recently weened off of them this past December. My mechanism to dealing with long, hard days and not wanting to feel anymore, was to take a nap. Those naps ranged anywhere from an hour to six hours, but they helped when I didn't want to face reality.

At age 14 1/2, I transferred to a christian school. I transferred from a public school to a christian school, and the change was drastic. I hadn't been the "new kid" since kindergarten. It was all new, the people and faces, names and subjects. I wasn't very strong in my faith because I had questioned it a lot at my old school. I transferred to a new school where it was okay for me to show my faith. I transferred to a new school where it was okay to show my true potential and I absolutely loved that.

Then February 17th, 2015 came along; the day my grandpa died from stage 4 kidney cancer. It got kind of dark again after that. He was always supporting us in all we did. He was at every baseball game, every basketball game, and every family get together. He was always there and then he wasn't, and that kind of broke me. He was gone and it hurt. I shut the world out and I shut my parents out. I didn't know how to feel about his death.

With depression, it's easy to shut people out. It's easy to bottle up your emotions. It's easy to be heartless because you're hurting, but you can't let it do that to you. Don't be afraid to tell people you're hurting. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about how every once in awhile you don't feel any feelings at all. Don't be afraid to talk about the stuff that no one likes to talk about.

To this day, I still struggle with depression. Some days are better than others, but that's really how it is. Depression doesn't just go away. Depression is hard to fight, because it fights too. But depression is capable of being fought. And fighting depression involves staying alive to see the results.

Suicide is not the answer.. Suicide is a permanent resolution to a temporary situation. I know how far you have to be pushed to think about suicide. I know how hurt your heart is when you look to death instead of life. I know how much it hurts when everything just seems to be falling apart. I know how little the words "everything is going to be okay" can do. I know what it feels like to have no hope left and look to a razor. I know what it's like, but there is a way out. It takes patience and it takes time.

If you struggle with depression or suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Hotline. (1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-273-8255)

They are there for you to talk to if you feel like no one else will listen. They are there for you to talk to when your mind won't stop racing and you just want to find a way out of it all.

You will be okay. You have made it this far. Have faith in yourself. Depression is conquerable, fight to do so.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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