I started my freshman year just like every other doe-eyed 18-year-old – high hopes and high expectations. Spoiler alert: those are unrealistic expectations, created not only by TV and movies, but also by older friends posting pictures of their wild nights and new “best friends." What those friends forgot to tell me was that you don’t post pictures of your awkward first encounter with your new roommate, or the nights where you stay in because you didn’t realize that college is actually insanely hard (wait, what?), or the treacherous dorm food you try your best to avoid. Freshman year is a whirlwind of emotions, from meeting new people to learning the hard way that going out until 2AM every night is a recipe for disaster. You learn a lot freshman year, but it’s okay when you feel a little defeated by the end of spring semester, because it was your first time in that kind of environment.

So what happens when you go back sophomore year and things are getting a bit easier? You’re beginning to get a handle on your classes (maybe because you changed your major, and there’s no shame in that) and suddenly you have a new understanding of what it means to be an adult and you’re proud of yourself for making it this far. Well, my friends, life tends to hit you when you least expect it. Who knows when it will happen, but eventually you are going to realize that you are not the person you were in high school. It’s pretty likely that you’re not involved in the same activities you were as a younger teen, and you are finding your identity without the club or sport. Let’s be very clear about one thing: growing up from your former self is not losing yourself. Growing up is the best thing that will happen to you, trust me. Once you realize that it’s okay to just stay in and spend time with your real friends instead of getting wasted in a sweaty bar, you will be a happier person (and so will your parents, who you’ll eventually realize you owe everything).

It won’t be until your final year of college that you look back and realize there was a turning point. There are peaks and valleys in every experience, and college is no different. The valleys are where you will lose yourself – and that is okay. That is also where you will find yourself. College is going to test your very being. But that’s the point! High school taught you basically nothing, I’m sorry to say. College will teach you how to cope, how to thrive, and ultimately, how to lose yourself and then love yourself. When you are in the valley that seems to never end, know now that you will make decisions that are the best and most difficult decisions you will ever make. Maybe it means moving away from your comfort zone for a while, because you’ve realized that it’s not quite as comfortable as it once was. Maybe it means actively seeking a way to move on from the senseless drama that has been weighing you down. Whatever it means, it will be one of the first real tests to your character, and you will begin rebuilding from the ground up.

Trust yourself to make decisions that will benefit you in the end, even if the reward isn’t immediately tangible because at the end of the process, you will be stronger than you knew you could be. Learn to appreciate the peaks when they come, because eventually you will feel them. But most importantly, understand that your sense of self will grow with you in an ongoing process. So don’t feel defeated when you think you’re losing something, because it means an opportunity to find yourself is on the horizon.