"I miss you. Not in some cheesy, let's hold hands and be together forever kind of way. I just miss you. Plain and simple. I miss your presence in my life. I miss you always being there for me. I miss my best friend."
Missing you comes in waves for me, and sometime, it comes out of no where and it was one of the worst feelings for me. I am not even sure why sometimes you pop in my head. I wonder sometimes, if I miss you it is because maybe, you miss me. I always wonder if we have that sense that we both know that we want to talk to each other, but we just wait it out and don't. Just to see if the other will say anything and most of the time, we both avoid it. I hate that I can't can't text one of my best friends.
I can't even explain what it is like to miss you, it was one of those feelings where you feel empty and no one really can feel those shoes. I miss our friendship and how you always know what to say to make me feel better. Our inside jokes and conversations have always been a blast and we have that weird sense of humor where we can make fun of each other, but we know when not to go to far.
I miss how everything used to be with us and to be honest, you probably know more about me than some of my friends. You have always been here for me, even when we do fight, I know secretly you would still answer my text message if there are issues going on in my life. You always have said you will be here for me and I know that. I know I would do the same for you and I hope you know that.
Sometimes, we both say things that we can't take back and I know it hurts us more than we let out. I know when you are mad, sad, or even, mad at me. You would never tell me, but I know. I think that is one of downfalls of our friendship as we can never be honest with each other about everything.
I know and you know that our friendship will never be how it was in high school or even my first year of college. Maybe, we never be friends again and I am slowly beginning come to terms with it. However, my hope for us is to be friends again and it might take awhile. Even if it does take us like 5 to 10 years or even sooner to talk like we use too.
Our friendship is one of the most confusing and strangest friendship I have ever had. That does not mean I would change anything about it though. You have to understand you got me through some of my toughest times in my life. You made me realize things about myself that I would never would have seen if you never told me. I did what I did to you because I want us both to be happy and being friends right now is going to be toxic to us both. It doesn't mean we can't tell each other happy birthday, or any other holidays as that just silly if we can't. I promise, I won't get mad at you for telling me, "Happy Birthday" a day late on my next birthday. I was wrong on that one.
Forever your friend,
Cindy
