For years I thought I was broken, that there had to be something wrong with me since I didn't want to sleep with my long term partner. I would stay up countless nights crying because I thought my partner would leave me since I wouldn't sleep with them. It seemed as though every other night I would open google and search what could possibly be wrong with me, and if there were ways that I could increase my sex drive. I tried every trick in the book-- sleeping more, sleeping less, drinking a glass of wine, mixing things up in the relationship, eating certain foods, but it seemed like nothing worked for me. Finally, I came to the conclusion that no matter what I tried, I just wouldn't be interested in sex.
After my partner and I split, I began to believe that I would be single for the rest of my life because I thought that no one would want a relationship without sex. I thought that my sexuality was such a turn off for others that on first dates I would try to casually slip in that I was asexual. Of course, this was often followed by, "so you can reproduce with yourself?". Although I was subconsciously glad that they passed high school biology, I was almost always crushed when I realized that the education system failed at teaching their students that there were more sexualities than heterosexuality and homosexuality. "No, not exactly", I would say, "it means that I don't have any sexual desires or feelings." Usually, this would be the point in the date where they ask for the check or look at me like I am some sort alien about to eat their eyes out. Luckily I found someone who that term didn't scare away, but that's not the case for most asexual people.
Growing up in such a sexualized world, anytime I mentioned my asexuality someone would have to chime in with "how do you know you don't like sex if you've never had it?" The thing about asexuality is that it is much more complicated than simply not having any sexual desires or needs. One person's definition of asexuality can differ completely from someone else. Although there are many forms of asexuality, the most common are asexuality itself, grey-a, and demisexual.
Of course, not everyone fits into this spectrum, since sexuality is a complicated and confusing thing on its own. A few more sexualities that go with asexuality are listed below.
Although asexuality isn't a term most people are familiar with it is not uncommon for people to be on the spectrum of asexuality. With the world being so focused on sex and sex appeal, coming out as asexual is often hard for many since it is so poorly understood in today's world. If you are beginning to feel as though you may fall on the asexuality spectrum or are unsure of your sexual identity there are many websites and hotlines that are willing to answer any questions you may have. If you are looking for more information about asexuality, visit http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/asexuality , http://www.asexualityarchive.com/ , or feel free to call the 24/7 hotline 1-866-488-7386.
