For most of my preteen to adult life, I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin. For starters, I've always been short, which makes me feel inferior to people. And while I'm short, I have big boobs and a big butt. I've danced, done gymnastics, and been a cheerleader my whole life, so my little legs are muscular and thick. Finding jeans that would fit over my thighs and my butt and then be comfortable around my waist was goddamn near impossible, and finding a shirt that flattered my figure without making me look like a baby hooker was a task that took a lot of energy out of me.

When I was a cheerleader and at my most fit, I was a size 4. Abs, toned arms, and muscular legs, and I always felt fat compared to the rest of my teammates because I wasn't a size 2. As a dancer, I always felt a little less beautiful in my leotards and costumes compared to the rest of the long-legged girls in my class. While everyone else in high school was still pretty underdeveloped and going through puberty, I felt like the DUFF since I was already full-figured. I spent a lot of time covering up my stomach and avoiding taking pictures at the beach because I couldn't bear to see how I looked next to everyone else.

In college when I inevitably gave up my athletic career and the freshman fifteen set in, I cried and cried and cried because I was gaining weight and didn't know how I could bounce back from it. Not only that, but my boobs were getting bigger and my figure getting curvier, and me filling out into an adult body made me disgusted in myself. I learned the hard way that I won't be able to wear some of the clothes my friends do, and borrowing their stuff and lending out mine was something that I may not be able to do. In fact, while I liked that my friends liked my clothes enough to borrow them, I was afraid to lend anything out because I worried my friends would look better in it, and therefore plummet my self-esteem.

So really for most of my life while trying to dress for my body, it was a lot of frustration; you're too short to wear that, you cant wear those shoes because your calves are too thick, that shirt is too revealing on you, that shirt doesn't reveal enough, you're dressing too sexy, you're dressing too frumpy. I could not catch a break. Finally, I decided to just say "fuck it", and made sure that I was happy with how I looked while trying to be healthy. I didn't want to be skinny, I didn't want to be fat, I wanted to accept my body shape for how it was and know that I was beautiful either way, as long as it wasn't causing a problem for my health.

So, after almost 21 years of trying to be comfortable in my own body, I dress for how I like to, and not how I think everyone else would like me to dress. And while at times it's hard, I have gotten better at shaking it off. I mean, it gets really hard, don't get me wrong. Just the other night I was denied at a club in New York City because I was too short (TAO Downtown, you fucking suck). But here's what I hope gets across to people who struggle with their looks as much as I have; when you look at yourself and your mental/physical health, what do you see? Are you healthy? Are you happy? It's hard not to compare yourself to your friends, and it's hard to remember that not every body is built the same. You may think someone looks great in something that you can never wear, but someone could be thinking the same thing about you. And isn't it beautiful that every body is different and we are seen as individuals? Your body, how you dress, how you represent yourself is a reflection of you- why would you want to look like somebody else when you're already beautiful the way you are. You're made to express yourself, and not other people. Just keep that in mind.