You have already been there once and pulled yourself out knowing that you have so much to be thankful for and to live for. Things are going great for a long time, and you finally hit a plateau of happiness. Nothing has shifted your mood drastically, but there are some days that you hit a funk. After a while, that funk becomes a weekly funk, then a monthly funk and then you finally find yourself falling back into that dark hole of sadness, and there is no way out.
The feeling of knowing what is happening and that there is no way to stop it is chilling. You can feel your body start to deteriorate. First, it's wanting to stay in bed or not go out with friends. Then, you find yourself calling in work more often than not, with no care with whether or not you will be fired. You are in limbo. No way in, yet no way out. There are no answers for why this is happening, but it is.
The only good thing about all of this is, that you know it is happening. In this past, I have been known to put my feelings aside and pretend as if nothing is wrong. But, knowing you are going down that path again, and actually feeling the agony that comes along with it, kind of makes you feel a little better. It makes you think that if you can feel what is happening to you, maybe you will be able to change it, or end it. The dark place will try to consume you if you let it, but if you are aware of what is going on and fighting it, things will turn around.
Knowing that you are going back to that horrible place, is detrimental. A feeling I do not wish on anyone. You feel as if your body is going numb from not being able to stop the inevitable.
But, there is a way to stop it. By being aware that this is going on, you can stop it. You will stop it. The darkness will not consume you, because you will not let it. Feeling this pain is something that no person should ever feel. You are strong, and you will reach baseline once again. I feel as if writing this to you now, is only helping me move forward in finding my inner peace and happiness. I hope reading this will help you too. I know how you are feeling right now is not something you want to feel, but you need to express it. Share your thoughts, whether or not they are scary. Show your emotions and do not shut others out. They want to help you, but you need to know that you can only really help yourself.
Going back to that dark place is so scary, trust me, I know. Yet, I also know that we will get out of it together.