Here in medieval-to-renaissance europe, no one really knows what exactly those big shadowy creature-shaped masses in the ocean are. we have a concept of them. we have a word for them. we think that they sometimes pretend to be islands and let weary sailors dock their boats upon them for the night. but it's about time we get some real answers:

what is a whale?

simply put, a whale is a very large fish

about the size of one average-height man

but with, like, a bird head

or maybe not like that at all now that i think about it

all i really know about them is that they have a blowhole that ejects water

um... maybe two blowholes

or maybe the just spit out water

yeah, i think that's it

and they have flat, disturbingly humanlike teeth

(except for the ones that grow elephantine tusks)

their diet consists exclusively of other smaller whales

but also people, as a special treat sometimes

temperament-wise, they are always consumed by anger

or worry

or just general malaise, all the time

that's what a whale is