“Family is not an important thing; it's everything.” - Michael J. Fox
The above quote encompasses the feelings a lot of us have towards an important value in life: family. They are the ones to teach us and to help us; the ones that will carry on our legacy and trust us with carrying on theirs. We share our lives with family and love them unconditionally because of this value… right? But what about those who are in broken homes? Can people still come to value the idea of a family when they feel like the one that they were stuck with lacks compassion, understanding, or interest? We want to believe that family is one of the biggest components in our lives, but that is not the case for everyone.
With this in mind, however, a lot of people who come from a broken home and/or other complex situations still succeed in life because they still receive the love and attention that they would get from family. So... how does this work? I want to propose the idea that perhaps society’s rigid idea of family needs to be broadened. In a world filled with broken homes, less than empathetic relatives, and bloodlines that don't define, who can we truly call "family?"
Many will continue to claim that family is made up of the people you meet up with on holidays and weddings, or the people in your immediate household. Although this is true, I believe the true meaning of family extends further than a person’s bloodline.
My understanding and firm belief of what defines family versus bloodline is much like comparing a house to home; One is the start tile, but the other is the adventure you take around the board. Sometimes family is made up of our blood relatives, but limiting yourself to just those few may not include everyone that it could.
Starting with relatives is a good foundation for many to build a family. They may be the ones who you first meet and who stick around the longest to see you grow up. Relatives can fit the mold of family, and I will not ignore that parents, siblings, grandparents, and more can be your biggest supporters and best friends. However, when defining family, we need to be able to have something accessible to all of those who want it. So, I insist that your family is not just those who are related to you, but also those who put time into relating to you. Sometimes, unfortunately, the people who relate to your struggles and understand you best are not always the ones who first got to hold you in the delivery room. I'm a strong believer that you may be born into a situation, but you have the power to choose where to go from there. Teachers, coaches, friends: people who have personalities and values similar to yours are the ones who can feel more like family than anyone.
Another important aspect to figuring out what defines family is this: Family is an earned title. Going by this, being family to someone is not a right, but a privilege. You have to see who works to earn it, and who you put effort into in return.
A family isn't chosen, it is built organically. Not by bloodline and fate, but by our actions.
Who do you think about often? Receive the most support from? Check up on and talk to, with more than just awkward small talk?
Who do you dedicate time to and small gestures to without a second thought?
Who is always ready to cheer you on, even in your smallest victories?
Who will be there for you to hear you when the world is crashing down around you and cheer you on as you work to rebuild it?
Now, let me be clear when I say that no family is ever going to be perfect or finished growing. It may take awhile to find those people who will stand by you through thick and thin, let alone recognize how special they are. Also, you may gain and lose people who you consider to be family. People grow and change; that’s a part of life. You will grow distant with people who you feel you gave the world to at one point. Some people were only meant to come into your life for a short time, and that is okay.
I know that some of you reading this may feel like you are alone and that nobody understands you or wants to support you, but this is not true. Anytime you feel like you don’t have a true family, try to have the strength to rebuild your perspective. When you can, cut out the toxic people in your life, help heal those you feel need to stay, and realize that compromise is a two-way street and doesn't always mean some great sacrifice on your part. You deserve to surround yourself with people who are ready to watch your journey in life, wherever it may lead you. The funny thing is, you may not even realize it, but you have families that have been sticking by you throughout your life.
So… what does family mean to me?
Family means everything.
To those who I have had the honor to call family over the years, thank you.
