Ah, love. It's one of the most beautiful, rewarding things a person can experience. When a love is both good and with the right person, it lifts you up, teaches you things, and makes you feel like you have it all. Nonetheless, love doesn't always last. People fall out of love, give up or move on. Worse than all of those things, however, is when love is just no longer enough to sustain you and your relationship. You're taught that love will always be enough, that it is the source of happiness and all things good and pure. Unfortunately, as I found out, this is not always the case.
Over the course of around two years, I found a real love and lost a real love. Despite loving him with all my heart, it wasn't enough for both of us to be happy. Believe me, I tried as hard as I could; we both did. But, as strong as love can be, and ours was strong (especially for our age), it just wasn't enough anymore. The heartbreak from both this realization and the end are two of the greatest pains I've endured in my life so far. But, just as experiencing a real true love teaches you about life, love and yourself, so does heartbreak. Looking at my pain as lessons has helped me heal, learn about and grow into myself and has kept me from anger and bitterness. These lessons have been so fruitful for my life that there is no reason not to share them.
Lesson One: Sometimes, it's better to just let go. In my case, I couldn't seem to let go of my relationship and our love. We kept running back to each other, and each time spelled heartbreak for one or both of us. All the on and off, all the pain, caused us to completely squander both love and friendship. Rather than just realizing and accepting that maybe we weren't as meant to be as we thought and going our separate ways, we ended with bitterness and no future of friendship. Had we let go like we should have, I think we would have had a chance to at least have a mutual caring and respect when we encountered each other; at most having the possibility of being friends. Sadly, I doubt this will be the case, all because we held on too tight and basically suffocated the love we had.
Lesson Two: Keeping in contact makes it harder to move forward. At least for a time. When you're still in constant contact, it's ten times harder to begin to move on. It's both confusing and draining. Not only are you not together but still talk as if you are, you now open yourself up to more fighting when one of you finds out/is told about the new guy who asked you to formal or the new girl he's talking to in his class. It's better to just stop talking. FYI, keeping in contact also includes social media stalking. If you can't control yourself and keep obsessively checking his Facebook or Twitter, if it hurts to even see his name somewhere or watch his Snapchat story, block him. You can always unblock later.
Lesson Three: Always be respectful. Especially if he is not. Just because you didn't work out, just because you're heartbroken, doesn't mean you let go of all decorum. You shared so much together, there was love and happiness there, lessons learned together, good times had by all. The least you can do is hold up your head and show him and everyone that despite the pain inflicted, you will respect both him and what you shared. If he attacks you and is angry and bitter, don't strike back. As tempting as it is, you love(d) him, and those you love at any point should always have your respect.
Lesson Four: You are stronger than you think. As life-ending and world-crushing as the pain of heartbreak seems, you will survive it. It takes time, and at times it feels as if your heart will never stop hurting, but it does. One day, you'll realize you didn't think about him once. The next, you'll realize that you can laugh and be happy without him. It's a process, but you're strong enough to endure the pain. You will become a better person for it.
Lesson Five: You can (and do) have a fulfilling life without him. Despite thinking that he was your end all be all, despite having your world wrapped up in him, you can and do have so much in life that is fulfilling. You have family, friends and your faith (whatever it may be) to rely on and raise you up. Moreover, if you're like me, you believe (actually, I know, but that's beside the point) that you go, are going or have gone to the best college, and with both the education and experiences will go on to do amazing things. Life shouldn't and doesn't revolve and rely on a relationship or finding love. Love should only enhance how fulfilling your life already is.
With these lessons, I have grown and been able to be a happy person. Despite my loss, I am still able to feel whole, because I am. I wasn't half a person before I met him, and I shouldn't be now that he's gone. I will always cherish, love and miss my first love. However, the extreme emotion and passion that came with us being together was too much. It wasn't right. We couldn't survive it. But that's okay. Just because we couldn't survive doesn't mean I won't, and it doesn't mean I will never love again. All the lessons that have been learned from this relationship will make me a better person, and, whenever the time is right, a better partner. I hope that those who know heartbreak realize this, too.
