What I Have Learned From My 3-Year, Long-Distance Relationship

What I Have Learned From My 3-Year, Long-Distance Relationship

It can work, if you are willing to work it.
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Going away to college can be an exciting experience. It can also bring about feelings of uncertainty and fear for people who may be in relationships coming out of high school who are then either going to separate colleges, or one person is staying home while the other leaves. I am in this relationship right now and have been for the past three years.

At first, my fiancé was the one to leave for college while I was still in high school. The next year, I graduated and he came back home but I went away. Long-distance relationships can be tricky but they do work if you are willing to work with them. Here are some tips I have found that help.

1. Trust

This is one of the most important, yet sometimes most challenging components of a long-distance, or really any relationship. If there is no trust, there is nothing. When you cannot see the other person every day, or a few times a week, you have to trust them. Trust also goes both ways. If one person trusts the other but this trust is not reciprocated, this can put a strain on the relationship. This level of trust is not built in a day, it takes time, so give it a moment and try to trust the other person.

2. Communication

I do not think I can say this enough. Talk to your partner. Talk to them. Seriously. In a long-distance relationship, this can be make-or-break. Your partner does not see you enough to know when something is wrong or if you are upset. They may not be able to tell if things are bothering you or know what is happening in your life because they are not there. So just talk to them. When my fiancé left for college I wrote him letters. I mostly did it because I like writing and I think pen pals and letter-writing are a dying art and I really love them but I also did it because if something happened during the course of my day that I would usually tell him about or he would usually be there for, I wanted him to know about. I wrote one every day with something important from that day, or just how I was feeling, or even just telling him that I missed him. Sometimes I would send a week's worth of letters to him, sometimes I would save them until he came back home and then I would give them to him to read, but either way I knew that he would still be a part of my day even if we did not get the chance to talk on the phone or text each other. Communication is so important. Talk to your partner. If you both have busy schedules and you know you will not be able to talk throughout the day, schedule a time when you know you can talk. Maybe once a week on a Sunday at six you facetime or something. Just talk to them.

3. Quality Time

I think one of the worst things in a long-distance relationship is not being able to see the other person for so long and then when you finally are able to see them, they are too busy doing other things to spend time with you. When you are with each other, be with each other. Give each other your undivided attention. This will make you both feel important, respected, loved, and wanted.

4. Know your limits

If something is not working, speak up. Long-distance is not for everyone, and leading someone on is not fun for anyone involved. It is better to be with someone who makes you happy and feel loved than being with someone because you feel like you have to be. If the long-distance is not working, let it go.

5. Warning signs

I have not experienced this personally but I have seen others around me who have so I thought it would be important. Sometimes when people get into long-distance relationships, or it can be really any relationship, it can become toxic. If you notice that your partner is trying to control your behavior, by telling you where you can and cannot go, who you can and cannot hang out with, what you can and cannot do and when, then these are some basic warning signs of a toxic relationship. They can stem from insecurities and lack of trust, especially in a long-distance relationship. If you are in a toxic or abusive relationship, seek help right away and try to remove yourself from this relationship.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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30 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

Things a best male friend would tell you.
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1. The sexy, crazy fun girl doesn’t always win the guy.
Yes, we are attracted to the fun party girls that never settle down, but at the end of the day, we can’t bring those girls home to meet our moms. Every guy is looking for the sweet, beautiful and down-to-earth girl that makes us laugh, keeps us grounded and believes in us. We want a girl that we can talk to about more than just how many shots we can take before we blackout. Guys want to date a Megan Fox and marry an Emma Watson.

2. Men are not mind readers.

3. Sunday sports are like the sun rising in the East and setting in the West. It's a fact of life, and you've just got to let it be.

4. When a game is on, please only talk during commercials.

5. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, so neither do we.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let me be really clear about this one. Whether the hint is subtle or obvious, we're probably not going to get what you're trying to say. So, just tell us what you want.

7. Anything said a week ago becomes null and void and cannot be brought up in an argument again.

8. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how to do it. Not both.

9. We only see about 16 colors.
For example, the term "peach" is a fruit, not a color.

10. If we ask what’s wrong, and you reply, "Nothing," we will act as if nothing is wrong.
We probably know that you’re lying, but it’s not worth the fight.

11. You have enough of my fraternity shirts.
Don’t keep asking for more, and don’t just take them. You have to earn them.

12. Stop telling me to make you my #WCW.
Everyone gets annoyed with the couples that make each other their #MCM or #WCW every week; we will not be that couple.

13. It’s not attractive to hear you talk bad about other girls.
I know you don’t like one of your sisters because she stole your Big-Little shirt idea, but keep that talk for your sisters, not us.

14. Being smart is very attractive.
We want a girl that can read a book and carry on a good conversation.

15. Allow me to open the door for you.
Don’t let chivalry die. I know you’re 100 percent capable of opening the door yourself, but see it as a nice gesture. It’s something our dad taught us to do.

16. I’m going to try and fix your problems.
Don’t vent to me if you don’t want me to try and fix what’s going on. That’s what guys do.

17. Don’t take my fries.
I’m a growing man, and I need my food but will gladly take whatever you don’t eat.

18. Don’t be dramatic.
Guys don’t like girls that are crazy about drama, plain and simple. If you enjoy the attention that getting jealous gets you, you will not get my attention.

19. Don’t say you miss me after an hour or a day.
That’s when you begin to edge into the "clingy" zone.

20. It’s okay to compliment us.
We like when you tell us we look good. We will just never say that out loud.

21. But don’t call us "pretty" or "beautiful."
This is not "Twilight," we do not sparkle, and we are not "pretty".

22. “I’m not looking for a relationship” can sometimes be directly translated to "You’re great, but we’re just not ready to be tied down quite yet."

23. We’re all on that college budget.
So know that we would like to give you the world, but can only afford the dollar menu sometimes.

24. If my friends don’t approve of you, then odds are we won't be able to date.
The same sentiment goes for my family.

25. I will smile, but not 100 times.
I’ll take pictures because you want to, but if I’m being honest, you’re going to look just as good in the first one as you will in 100th one you force someone to take.

26. We don’t always have to be doing something.
We can enjoy Netflix and a large pizza.

27. You have too many shoes.

28. You have enough clothes.

29. Don't ask a question that you don't want an answer to.

30. We are in shape. Round IS a shape.

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26 Long-Distance Relationship Songs To Fit Every Mood, Big Or Small

Whether you need a sad song to help you bask in your sadness or an upbeat song to remind you why it's worth it, this playlist has got you covered!

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Long-distance relationships can be a whirlwind of hellos, goodbyes, and missing each other. Sometimes you need a sad song to help you bask in your sadness as you miss their presence. Other times you need an upbeat song to remind you about all of the great aspects of your relationship.

Whatever you're feeling, there's a song for you — and I've got you covered with this list of 26 songs to fit every mood that long-distance relationships bring.

1. "Love Me Now" by John Legend

This song is an ode to the uncertainty of when you will see each other next. It talks about spending every second together and not letting any slip by because you don't know what will happen when you're gone.

2. "All Of The Stars" by Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran has a relatable song for every situation — and "All Of The Stars" is no exception. This gorgeous song is about separated lovers who are looking at the same sky at night. The combination of Sheeran's soothing voice and heartfelt lyrics makes for a perfect tune.

3. "Come Back... Be Here" by Taylor Swift

Cue the throwback Taylor Swift... This is the song to listen to when you're at the airport, leaving your significant other, trying to hide the tears. The lyrics are so raw and emotional that you'll find yourself listening to it over and over again.

4. "California King Bed" by Rihanna

"California King Bed" is about nearly reaching your breaking point and giving up on your long-distance love — but you hold on and remember all the good times, and that's enough to make you hold on.

5. "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

For those harsh middle of the night moments when all you want is your lover and you can't have them. The pain of this song is in the singer recognizing that hurting is better than being numb. Ouch.

6. "Talking to the Moon" by Bruno Mars

I think that many people in long-distance relationships spend a good amount of time looking out their window thinking about their significant other wishing they could be with them at that moment. I think the moon really fits something that both people can have at the same time, that's exactly the same for them.

7. "Long Distance" by Bruno Mars

As the title suggests, this slow jam is perfect for when you're missing your partner who's miles away. Bruno Mars perfectly captures what it's like to crave someone when all you have are the pictures and memories you share. It's a heartbreaking song that you might want to listen to whenever you feel like crying it all out.

8. "Long Distance" by Brandy

I couldn't make a long-distance relationship playlist with just one song titled "Long Distance," right? This might be one of the most raw, relatable songs about distance. Brandy sings about how difficult it can be to get the person you love off your mind, no matter how hard you try.

9. "Long Distance" by Megan & Liz

OK, so maybe I put THREE songs called "Long Distance," but that's what this playlist is all about, right??? This is definitely one of the hidden gems amongst long-distance relationship songs. This emotional song by twin YouTubers Megan and Liz, they talk about the difficult emotions that often accompany being apart from your partner.

10. "I Want Crazy" by Hunter Hayes

If you're looking for a song to remind you about why you're sticking out the distance, look no further. Even people who claim to hate country music love this song about not taking the easy way out of a long-distance relationship.

11. "One Call Away" by Charlie Puth

A simple reminder that regardless of distance, the person you need most is always just one call (or text, or facetime… you get the point) away. In this song, Charlie Puth constantly assures his love that he'll be there when he's needed, that he's strong enough for both of them, and that it's all going to be worth it in the end.

12. "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down

If you want to express to your loved one just how much you love and miss them, but don't have the words, this is the song. Just trust me and give it a listen.

13. "Set The Fire To The Third Bar" by Snow Patrol and Martha Wainwright

This is the perfect song to listen to when you're still not quite used to your partner not being there when you wake up in the morning. It's full of yearning for proximity. Let yourself feel those feelings, because trying not to miss the person you love is just going to make it so much worse.

14. "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's

Studies and ambition keeping you apart? Don't lose hope! You'll get that future you two have been working so hard for and it'll be worth the miles.

15. "Many the Miles" by Sara Bareilles

This song is a good reminder not to put your life on hold while you're waiting to be together. Sometimes when you're long-distance, it's easy to start feeling like your "real life" is on hold until you're together again. This song will help remind you that your real life is what you're living today, even if you're apart from your favorite human.

16. "When You're Gone" by Avril Lavigne

When you need a good cry and are missing your significant other, this is a definite go-to song. It's not only a powerful ballad by one of the top pop-rock princesses of the 2000s, but it also an accurate portrayal of the painful emotions of a long-distance relationship — that hurts-to-breath yearning that weighs you down when you're not sure you'll make it through one more day apart.

17. "Wish You Were Here" by Avril Lavigne

You can't have a playlist with just one Avril Lavigne song… duh! "Wish You Were Here" is basically just a grungier version of "When You're Gone". It talks about going through big moments in life, wishing that the person you love could be by your side to experience it with you.

18. "Home" by Ella Eyre

Whether you're the one who's away or not, this song is a bittersweet reminder that the best way to communicate is to not be too proud to admit you miss home. Talk about what you miss, it will only bring you both closer.

19. "Already Home" by A Great Big World

We've all been there — counting down the days until we get to see our significant other again. This song is one of the more uplifting, positive tunes about long-distance relationships, saying that nothing can come between two people in love and that home is wherever you are together.

20. "See You Soon" by Coldplay

Long-distance relationships can be a drag, and sometimes you may lose faith in your partner or what you have together. Inspire and reignite the love with this song.

21. "Tee Shirt" by Birdy

Birdy spends this song reminiscing over the tee shirt her boyfriend wears in the morning. In relationships, articles of clothing are so fun to steal, but serve so much more purpose. The idea of being able to have something of the others when they aren't there with you is comforting. This song gives those pieces of clothing a little more meaning.

22. "Jet Lag" by Simple Plan ft. Natasha Bedingfield

If you're in a different time zone than your significant other, this is the perfect song to listen to. This song is a great pick-me-up for when you feel distant (emotionally AND literally). It perfectly captures the whirlwind of long-distance but also manages to remain catchy and upbeat.

23. "The Promise" by Tracy Chapman

This song is the perfect tune for a stroll down memory lane. It's a celebration of love and confidence in a shared future together.

24. "I Drove All Night" by Celine Dion

That song for when you want to say "screw it" and do everything you can to be with your significant other ASAP. "I Drove All Night" is one of the hottest, most romantic long-distance jams of all time. It's basically a promise that when you meet again, it's going to be well worth the wait.

25. "Whenever You Call" by Mariah Carey

This song provides assurance, that regardless of the time or place or whatever's going on, she always going to pick up the phone if her person calls her. She's never too far away or too busy for them.

26. "Distance and Time" by Alicia Keys

Alicia Keys bellows those thoughts you haven't been able to say aloud in this song that gives you faith in your relationship, despite the distance. This is the sort of song you fall asleep listening to on repeat or send to your significant other when they're having trouble with the distance.

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