For the past year, I have written for Odyssey, sharing with you parts of me that I have kept to myself for the longest time. Whether my words had weight or not is something only you can determine, and I hope that at least one of you found them significant. For me, my written voice has altered how I think about the world around me. I would like to share my transition with you.
When I starting writing, I had an abundance of ideas bouncing through my head. Some had more weight than others, but I had my articles mapped out for weeks in advance. With 2016 as horrific as it was, finding something to discuss wasn’t difficult. As time went on, I gained confidence in my ability to express my emotions. Writing forced me to look inside of myself and pull out what I had so buried for so long. It forced me to be vulnerable—and to embrace that vulnerability.
Before being a content creator, I feared my opinions. I wouldn’t share my values with most because it didn’t seem like they mattered. With each article that I wrote, the level of respect I had for my mind grew. It never occurred to me how much was racing through my mind. It made me proud.
About half way through the year, I noticed that I was voicing my opinions so much more with a greater intensity. I didn’t care if people disagreed with me or if I stepped on someone’s toes. I was going to talk about race and gender issues, the danger of Donald Trump, and my views on Christianity. The only thing stifling my voice was my self-consciousness, and for the first time in a long time it started to fade.
Having to write something every week pushed me to pay closer attention to what happened to me during the week. Did I learn something that I wanted to share with the world? Was there something going on that more people should know about? My answer was always yes; however, it is becoming more and more difficult to pin down something that is worth sharing. That is a red flag for how I am living out my days.
I realized that this year I have been writing far more than I ever have, and I am grateful for that. For once, I have let my heart take the lead, but it needs a rest. My mind needs to catch up. Instead of writing every day, I am going to read every day. I want to read all of those unread books on my shelves and contemplate every word they have to offer. I need to come back to myself, for I have been a little too public for a little too long. After all of the heartbreak of this year, my heart needs to mend, and for me, that means stepping back.
Even though my time here is almost at its end, I still have my voice—I no longer need a platform to feel its strength.
