At Oglethorpe University we have certain assignments that every student has to do through First Year Seminar courses --or FYS, for short--- with the idea being that everyone benefits from them; there's gaining public speaking skills, critical thinking skills, research skills, annnnd the knowledge that plagiarism is bad and it's never your parents' fault. The last of those assignments is to construct our own creed of a personal belief based on the NPR series, "This I Believe" and read it in front of the class. Understandably, it's judged on genuine feeling and relatability, a facet of the latter being a personal anecdote from our life in the middle.
The belief that I described is the fact that everyone needs someone with whom they can confide everything in, and treat as if they aren't a different person at all. This became an unimaginable ideal for me throughout life. The way our society is-- we don't pay others around us mind, and we don't take the time to notice them as fellow living, breathing, and thinking humans past a simple, "Hi, how are you? Fine, bye" in passing.
Through most of my life up until fairly recently I wouldn't feel the need to share my Self with others. There's the default that we show in public and the consciousness that we slip into once we're alone that act as completely different worlds. We don't consider merging them as this is an inherent and accepted part of our reality. I'd often even felt in the past that others didn't deserve my innermost thoughts and feelings. They were mine, what business did friends or acquaintances have with them? What would they care? How could they possibly understand?
This was my personal, unapologetic, human mentality until I found someone who not only wanted to understand me but did. Someone who truly knows me. Isn't that just an amazing, liberating concept? It's hard to believe I'm sure...I felt like there were still elements of my creed mainly this section that said I didn't have this before and now I do with someone were anecdotal, but the part that I felt most embodied that was the section that defined that Someone. As not just a concept but an entity with agency and the capacity to learn, understand, and interpret my psyche. That person was and is for me my boyfriend --now fiancé.
I included the fact that it sounded like a cliché and even that sentence sounded strange to me, but was surely something that could have been said and would have even felt organic to the other parts of the creed. No one would've judged me and things would have moved on yet I just got this feeling right before getting to that part... the anxiety that I felt about speaking made me second guess the words and skip them entirely and thus, by leaving out my anecdote I not only riddled myself with guilt for the rest of the week but also effectively went against my point.
Leaving out that aspect the story left out the importance that said it wasn't just finding someone or something that allowed me to open myself up to others, and be more honest, and ultimately made me a better person, it was him. I didn't leave it out because I was ashamed, I wanted people to know and I suppose now they do..as a writer I got too momentarily caught up in how my words would sound that I betrayed my Self and left out the actual message.
You'll never find exactly what I've achieved. That's my prideful admission. Think of all the casual relationships we have and how short life is. All everyone wants is to be heard but they often don't want to listen. This thought has credence but we write people off based on the idea that they'd only do the same. Thus, it's an endless, vicious cycle of disconnect in human interaction. One that we as a species need to work towards breaking.
Those around you may not easily know you it's never easy to. Actively letting another person become a part of your personal consciousness takes a lot of time and determination. It's not something that can happen especially when we don't communicate with each other and self-destructively hide how we feel in personal situations and beyond. Maybe all they can do is listen but even that can do a world of good and is a brave feat in and of itself. It's worth it to let them try. This is the message that I must emphasize. A creed to remember. Show your true self, don't second guess the honest truth, this I believe.
