"Why is she being so mean?" How many times have girls asked themselves this question about one of their nearest and dearest friends? Too many times is the answer. As if taken out of a page from The Burn Book of the film Mean Girls, every teenage girl knows all too well the dramatics and structure of a clique, but it truly seems unbeatable in high school. Any girl who argues against the existence of cliques is probably the queen bee herself, or one of her loyal followers.
Cliques form almost naturally in high school, and the fight to stay in one or at the top consumes part of the everyday life of a teenage girl. The people who claim they never belonged to a clique, although on the outside, can clearly see the way one operates and remains free from the tangled web of deceit.
While the clique may look glossy, fun, and close-knit on the outside, the inside is actually quite the opposite. Whether everyone knows it or not, you will graduate high school and the clique will disperse as each member commits to University, but there are the rare cases of the cliques that never disband. I find these cliques to be amusing at best because those who break free of their old cliques have the opportunity to make new friends at college and grow out of their old, childish habits and the rest never do.
When everyone goes to college it feels like a fresh start, and it is not until about one year after everyone has been away at school or working that you truly begin to see the changes in people and their perspectives. Going to University gives everyone the chance to make new friends, learn new things, and become independent.
Sure the thought of leaving the comfort of your clique despite its manipulative structure is scary, but the world is a big place and has so much to offer. There are some people who go off to school and embrace it and make new friends for life, and there are others who go off to school with their same high school best friend and clique, and they never truly change. They never have the opportunity to think for themselves because their lives are consumed by the clique.
Don’t believe me? Look at any photo of a group of girlfriends and you will notice they are all dressed the exact same, and no, that doesn’t make them trendy. This is not to say that going off to school and making new friends is easy because it is not. The whole message of this article is to say that girls are not initially kind and understanding.
Girls can be mean for so many reasons, most notably because they’re jealous of your clothes, your gorgeous curls, or the cutest boy in class that always stares at you and not her. Creating a core group of friends is not something that comes easily, and even if you do establish a small clique or group of girlfriends, you still will feel the sting of the mean girl from high school. It’s just natural for girls to gossip about each other even if they are your most loyal friend.
It’s truly a character trait that girls never grow out of. Don’t believe me? Go to your local elementary school at pick-up time and listen to what each gaggle of moms is talking about. The key is to find good people with different characteristics and passions than you because while girls can always be flat out bitchy, the ones who are most different than you are the ones who will drive you to be a better person.
The friends with different backgrounds and personalities will give more honest compliments than the clique that is dressed alike on game day.
Every girl looks at a group of guy friends and thinks, “why can’t it be that easy for girls?” It’s pretty simple really, guys do not conform to the group and they don’t care if one of their friends got a cool internship, if he got a new sweater, or if he has a girlfriend. Guys remove the details from their friendships whereas girls do not and they will punish you for doing better than them.
They will exclude you from hanging out, and even worse, make you feel invisible. In the words of actress Julianne Moore from her interview with In-Style Magazine in October 2017, “I mean, I remember when I was a waitress when I was first in New York. I’d wait on tables and there were people who wouldn’t even make eye contact. It feels so terrible to have someone literally not look at you.
The worst thing you can do to someone is not see them, make them feel invisible. It’s really important for us as human beings that we acknowledge people, that we make them feel seen. Because why wouldn’t you?” I think that is truly the demise of girls, the power to make you feel invisible, but that is only if you let them.
Wendy Williams, famous daytime talk show host and a powerful female media figure, says it best, “clear your path and find your truth.” Because it is so raw and real that you need to believe in yourself and put yourself first before you conform to a group and let them override your path. If you do not have friends who are encouraging you every step of the way, then what are they really doing?
Wendy Williams has spoken before about building your career, and along the way she claims she made the mistake of bringing friends along with her to gigs and ultimately affected her performance. She said she focused on herself and getting her to career to where she wanted it to be before she looked around and evaluated her friends and the ones remaining were the ones who truly cared, not the ones there for glamour and a good time.
At the end of the day, if you look around and see no one by your side, it’s probably because you need a major attitude adjustment, but at the same time if you look around and are miserable and self-conscious because of the way your clique treats you, do you really need them anyway? Clear your path ladies.
