Forgiveness is something that we all struggle with in some way shape or form; whether it is forgiving yourself or someone else. Holding a grudge is sometimes more harmful to you than it is on the person you have a grudge on. It's toxic and it eats you up inside.
I remember a while back, I made a list of people I wasn't on good terms with and I did my best to try and fix the problems. I am a very stubborn person and when I have a grudge on someone one or extremely mad at a person, it takes a lot for me to forgive and to talk to them to try to work things out. When I was able to fix some of my relationships with people and let go of things I've been holding on to for a while, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was so relieved and a tiny bit happier inside even if the relationship wasn't how it used to be, you can at least know you didn't end on bad terms.
A quote that I try my hardest to by live is: "You have to take the good with the bad, smile when you sad. Love what you got and remember what you had. Always FORGIVE but never forget. Learn from your mistakes and NEVER REGRET". If you can follow this motto, then you will be on track to forgiveness in either yourself or others.
It is so important not to regret people or things that have affected your life in different ways because they were all learning lessons and the worst it can do is to make you that much stronger. I am such a firm believer in that everything happens for reason. I know it is hard to understand in the moment (trust me) but after the fact, you can look back and understand why things happen the way they did.
There is a reason why you got your heart broken, or your wallet stolen, or why a certain person lied to you. You may have needed your heart broken so that you know what true love is and if you are lucky enough to experience it again you will learn from your mistakes from the previous relationship and make your next one even better. You may have needed your wallet stolen because that candy bar you were going to buy out of the vending machine was going to take your dollar because it was broken. You may have needed that person to lie to you so that your mind would be in the right place for you to pass that exam you needed to graduate otherwise you would have failed.
Haven't you experienced a time where you realize that if you would have done something but missed it for some reason, but got to do something else better instead? I know I have; it happened to me this morning. I was walking to the bus stop and I was 6 minutes early, so I knew I was going to make it because it was always late, but as I was walk I saw the bus leave and I was so mad. I was saying to myself "this would happen to me right now"! So I realized I had to walk to class that morning and I wasn't happy at all because it was freezing outside. As I was walking to class, I found $20 bill on the ground. I looked around to see if anyone was near buy because maybe it was theirs but there wasn't anyone so I just became $20 richer! I wouldn't have found that money if I would have taken the bus, so I consider it to be a blessing in disguise.
I've learned the hard way that there is no way to move on from a certain person or situation until you forgive and let go. You cannot start a new book if you are still re-reading the last one. You need to finish the book, close it, put it way for a reference from time to time, and open a new one. After a recent thing that I myself have been struggling with for a long time, I've learned that I need to forgive, let go, take everything I've learned, appreciate all the great experiences, and move on. I won't be able to enjoy my future if I am still dwelling on the past. I have been trying to live for today instead of tomorrow or yesterday. I realized that it would make me a much happier person.
Someone once told me, "In order to be forgiven, you need to forgive". We all have done things in life that we need forgiveness for whether it's from god or your best friend. And I know forgiving isn't easy; trust me! But once you learn to be able to forgive, you will see the difference soon, maybe not at that exact moment, but soon!
A way that we can know if we have forgiven someone is by being able to be near them and honestly, without lying to yourself, feel calm or even happy maybe have a little smile or two. To not have bad thoughts automatically brought up or be put into a bad mood instantly. If you can treat that person just like you would any another person, then you know that is a sign telling you that you have been able to forgive. If not, then you have some more work to do. It all takes us a different amount of time to be able to forgive and move on. So do it at your own pace and not others.
Just remember that everything happens for a reason! So when you are having a bad day because something happened to you, think of it as a blessing in disguise because it could have prevented something else bad happening to you that could have been worse. Keep your head up and learn to FORGIVE!
