We always think it will never happen to us. We always see other people getting injured, thinking it will never be us. Then it happens: you go down in the middle of a game or something unexpected occurs in your every day life.
You probably remember events like when the doctor told you the bad news or the reaction your teammates had. Most of all, you probably remember that empty feeling inside of you, like someone was slowly pulling out parts of you.
I am sure you loved your sport before getting hurt but you never knew how much it meant to you until you were told you could not do it. You probably never thought you would start to miss waking up for early morning practices or games that took most of the fun out of your weekend.
You start to hate yourself for all the times you took your sport for granted, skipping practices and complaining about how it consumes your life. You never knew the entirety of its importance until it is taken from you.
You watch other people sit out any chance they get, complain about how hard practice was or make excuses to skip practice altogether. You almost get angry because here you are, wishing your crippled-self could play. They do not know how lucky they are to have that decision. If only they knew what it was like to be forced not to play, maybe then they would be more grateful to have that choice.
You start to miss the rush of the game and everything that you thought ultimately made you who you are. With so much free time, you find yourself reminiscing, wondering why this all happened to you. But that would be a mistake.
Sure, you can replay the incident over and over again in your head. You can play different scenarios, seeing what would have happened if you changed just one simple thing. But doing that does not take all of this away; it does not fix you.
You find people telling you, “it could be worse,” as though that was supposed to make you automatically better. Hearing that sentence frustrates you because it is as though people brush it off like it is nothing, as if they are telling you to stop complaining or being upset. Of course, things could be worse but that does not take away the negative feelings you have. You are allowed to be sad and angry. You are allowed to hate the situation you are in.
It is okay to cry when you are tired of being brave all the time. It is okay to feel like giving up. It is okay to lose patience and get frustrated. It is okay to feel like no one else understands what you are going through. It is okay to miss your sport and wanting to do everything you can to get back out there.
And to your surprise, you are allowed to give up. You are allowed to say when enough is enough. But before you make the decision for yourself, the moment you think about giving up, think about why you held on for so long. Remember why you started in the first place and how it has become a part of who you are.
It will not always be easy. You will take your anger out on your friends and family because you cannot use your sport as your outlet. You will try to hide how much it hurts you just so your friends can enjoy playing their sport. Just know that it does get better.
In the end, no matter if you decide to continue playing your sport or give it up for your own good, you will find your happiness again. It could be in the form of the sport you love, or in new hobbies that you learned from this journey. You might not be able to change your situation or fix what happened, but what you can control is how react to it.
The most important thing to remember is that you are allowed to be happy.
“God gives his hardest battles to his strongest warriors.”
