8 Crazy Gifts Every Jewish College Kid Has On Their Hanukkah 'Christmas' List
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

8 Crazy Gifts Every Jewish College Kid Has On Their Hanukkah 'Christmas' List

Dear Hanukkah Harry, I need...

8 Crazy Gifts Every Jewish College Kid Has On Their Hanukkah 'Christmas' List
calamity_sal / Flickr

It's Adam Sandler's and every citizen of Long Island 's favorite time of the year: Hannukah! Hannukah this year falls on December 12th and goes until December 20th (it is eight nights, yes, I can do the math).

College students struggle the first semester, it's a known thing. The holidays are a blessing, so our parents can spoil us with things we definitely don't deserve.

Here are the eight things you desperately need and should ask for for Hannukah.

1. Dignity

This is something that a lot of us lose during the first semester back from summer. We do things like 'by accidentally' finishing an entire handle within a month one week. Or we run through our meal plan faster than Forest Gump (like, sorry, I enjoy the finer things in life)? Or we show up to class hungover — it's not my fault my body can't process poison as fast as others. Enjoy opening dignity on the first night and use it IMMEDIATELY

2. A Fresh new pair of frat kicks

Sorry, mom. The shoes I begged you to buy me that I told you I would take good care of are stupidly destroyed. Ask for something nice, but not too nice, like Steve Madden shoes that you wouldn't care if something happened to them.

3. A new fake ID

You know when El Rods is asking you for a second form, the economy is changing. Don't be the one that has to drink water while your friends are drinking fire and gasoline just a few chairs down. Your mom definitely feels bad for you at this point and will gladly get you a new one!

4. $35 to pay off your parking tickets. Or $280 to pay off your actual debt in parking tickets.

Did VT Po-po do you dirty? Same.

5. Two-fifths.

This will get you through your last date party of the semester as well as a little gift to say 'congrats, you are amazing'

6. Gelt

Gelt is Jewish chocolate candy. So yum. There is a game called Dreidel where us Jews gather around a table and spin the dreidel (it is a life-long skill that most people don't ever get the gift of acquiring). There are four different sides you can possibly land on- you either lose your gelt, win all the gelt, take half, or put in two of your own. Therefore, you should ask your parents for gelt- either they will give you chocolate or they will catch your drift and give you money. Warning: they can take it all from you because that is just how the game works. 

7. Xanax

Why get roofied by other people unknowingly when you can knowingly roofie yourself? Next. 

8. Adderall 

Parents absolutely have the hookup. They are cooler than us in so many ways. Ask them for that 'good-good' as they called it in the '70s and they'll slip you a lil something in your Jewish version of a stocking. (just a huge bag made of curly hair and thick accents). They want you to do well on final exams so they can brag to their book group? They can easily aid in that.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
October Is Overrated, Let's Just Accept This Fact

I have never liked the month of October. I like the fall weather and the beginning of wearing sweaters in the crisp fall air, but I never associated this with the month of October.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Plight Of Being Bigger Than A D-Cup

"Big boobs are like puppies: they're fun to look at and play with, but once they're yours, you realize they're a lot of responsibility." - Katie Frankhart, Her Campus


This probably sounds like the most self-absorbed, egotistical, and frankly downright irritating white-girl problem... but there's more to this I promise.

Keep Reading... Show less

An Open Letter To The Younger Muslim Generation

Fight back with dialogue and education.


Dear Muslim Kids,

Keep Reading... Show less

The Mystery Of The Gospel

Also entitled, "The Day I Stopped Believing In God"


I had just walked across the street from the soccer field back to the school. I turned around and saw the cars rushing, passing each other, going fast over the crosswalk where I had been moments earlier. “It would be so easy to jump in front of one of them,” I thought, looking at the cars. “I could jump, and this life that I’m stuck in would be over.”

Keep Reading... Show less

College as Told by The Lord of the Rings Memes

One does not simply pass this article.


College as told by the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit memes. Everyone will be Tolkien about it.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments