Bouncing around different friend groups in my lifetime has meant that I have looked to many different types of men as role models. In some social groups, it is the strongest that earn the leadership; in others, the smartest. There are some examples that are even comical: leadership and influence by he who has slept with the most girls or memorized more of the Bible or who can take the biggest bong rip without coughing.

But in all my group membership, never have I seen an example that I can point to and say, “This, without question, is pure, unadulterated masculinity.”

Now more than ever are we trying to figure out what masculinity is. The question is asked of us at every turn: should the leadership position be given to the one who has made the most money or possesses the highest moral character or has earned the most qualifications?

Everywhere we see men messing up – we see them raping women or shooting up schools and think to ourselves that these men are a distortion of something. They are men who have failed to live up to some standard, but what standard is that? What “cast” or “mold” should be used to form men? Does there exist an objective definition of masculinity?

Every movie asks this in some way. Our heroes are the projection of our standards for men and have been since Homer wrote his epics. As a man, however, I cannot say that I know.

I feel that I should break briefly from my thought and give a comment: I’m focusing on men for two reasons – I am a man and will therefore not presume to speak on behalf of femininity and also because I think change must start with us.

As a man, I cannot say that I have any conception of objective masculinity – as men have done since time immemorial, I learned how to be a man from my father. This can put us in a strange spot though: what if one has no father or a bad father? Okay, then look to a different role model.

I am of the opinion that it is within the individual’s power to recognize and adopt traits that he thinks belong to some objective goodness or masculinity. Be the masculinity that you recognize in others. Maybe you don’t get everything right… that’s fine, the next generation will adopt and change traits from you and move on.

Slowly we as men should hope to approach some standard of goodness, no longer content to be fumblers in moral darkness but Men who don’t just walk in the light but are ourselves that light. Let us now, for once, be men.