Everyone feels bad for you. And they ask if you are okay or tells some distant memory of the person, but it’s just a reminder of a lost love one and how exactly are you suppose to take it? It’s sad, it sucks, and, especially if you were close, it feels like you can’t breathe. Everything is numb and you are in denial, can’t stop crying, or you’re just trying to feel something.

So to my Great-Grandma,

You were the last funeral I cried at. I had nightmares months and years after your death. And to this day, I still miss you. I was young, but 5^th grade was old enough to realize how pure and genuine a person could be.

I remember the soft kisses you stole from my cheeks because it was just custom. I’d bow my little body and you wouldn’t even wait until I finished before you took me into your gentile arms. I remember sitting on your lap and being a little bigger each time I saw you, until eventually I had to just share a seat with you. I didn’t mind because I could be next to you. My growth spurt never came, but I promise you I got bigger.

I wish I knew what death really meant when Mom and Dad told me you died. I knew the definition, what happens, you go to heaven if you’ve been good, but it didn’t matter because you left me. And I hated that I couldn’t visit you the same way anymore. I love you and still miss you today.

The Grandma I never met,

I only know you from pictures and the images of you in your children for me to assemble a face. I have the stories of your life and my assumptions of what I hear and see from our family to pretend I knew who you were.

But it’s not the same. I never got to stare up at you and wonder who this lady was, why were you so important? I never got to meet “Mommy’s Mommy” and see you with Grandpa. I never got to see the love between you two.

To this day I don’t know if I can make you proud with who I am because I don’t know what you want. I don’t know if I am a person you could look at and think to yourself, “I can’t believe she is my granddaughter, and I am so grateful.” I don’t know.

I know I love you.

My Forgetful Grandpa,

Sometimes you look at me and know who I am. Sometimes you look at me and are confused as to who I am. But my favorite memory of you after starting to lose yourself is of the pin I still have today.

Mom told me that you had save this pin just for me. She said you didn’t want anyone else in our family to know about it because you only wanted me to have it. You played bingo and saved up for this pin, I can’t love it more because of that story. It is my piece of you. I love you so much because you taught me how to be strong. You taught me the person I want to be, the one family still visits and cares for everyday, no matter how weak or forgetful you become. I love you.

My Still Going Strong Grandparents,

I learned how family works with our visits to your house. Every long weekend and vacation time was spent driving from little Louisiana to Texas where over 20 people would cram under one roof. Snores from every room and nights that consisted of gambling until 6 in the morning became a norm. We’d laughed and joked and there were never dull moments. And although, we all have moved farther apart, we couldn’t be any closer than we are.

Grandma, I don’t know how you did it, but you never failed to keep everyone full to the brim. And when you beat everyone at poker, everyone knows who is the real leader of our family, and you still do. You go to the gym everyday, yes including now, and I can only aspire to be at your level. You do amazing things and I love you so much. You taught me not just how to be a supportive wife or mother, you showed me how important it was to care for the people you love and to not expect anything back. This wasn’t because we should serve others, but just doing some things out of the kindness of your heart. You taught me how love really meant.

Grandpa, you are one of the strongest people I know besides your children. My aunts and uncles are the greatest tutors in life I could ever ask for, and it’s all because of you. You taught me how important family is. You didn’t have to say it because you showed it in everything you did for us. We had parties to just to celebrate, gatherings because we wanted to see each other, and plan dinners to catch up on where everybody was. Family isn’t all we have but it’s the biggest. We couldn’t be the family we’ve become without your passion and dedication.

Our family may have gotten bigger, adding more members, and everything. But nothing has truly changed. We’ve gotten wiser and stronger because of the two of you. I am scared to ever think I have to lose you, but at the same time, because of all the work you’ve put in for our family, you will never be forgotten. I love you so much; I look forward to seeing you anytime that I can.

Everyone is destined to die one day, but it’s what you do in the moments you are alive that really matter. And although the statement could not bee anymore boring or cliché, it is a very true stand on life. These are only some people that have taught me the meaning of who they are and who I want to become. Because of that, I am grateful.