“I guess I just feel stuck…”
“Stuck isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice.”
It seems that I have been abundantly blessed with many wise people in my path. This is something a friend recently said to me that has been food for thought and has brought into question how many times I’ve perhaps stayed in situations under the disillusionment that I had no say in the matter. How many times have we gone through life feeling as if we’re permanently and immovably stuck in a situation that is less than what we had hoped for, or perhaps even unhealthy? How many times have we convinced ourselves that if we were to take risks and step out, that there would be nothing there to catch us--how many times have we exchanged the truth that we serve a sovereign and loving God for the bondage of fear?
Fear immobilizes, stunts, breeds discontent; perhaps we could even go so far as to say it leads us to death. If God is life, if he grants life and freedom, joy, shaping, refining, and hope, in choosing fear we begin to reject God himself. Having struggled with deep and abiding fear as well as anxiety for these last few months, I cannot tell you how toxic these thought processes are. They begin in the mind and slowly transcend into every aspect of one’s being, stirring the soul into a state of absolute unrest and panic. In reaching this low point, I was reminded of something that I had journaled several months ago:
“My scars are still brand new. Emphasizing the red hot pain once there. Open wounds still healing and creating a new memory. Having not yet faded into a distant thought of the past.
The tug on my heart is still there. Bringing up uncomfortable realities.
Ones that occasionally render me immobile.
The healing is still coming, if not day by day, then moment by wavering moment.
What sweet refrain I have found. Placing my scars into your scarred hands. What sweet pain I have found, offering up this battered soul. What beauty I have seen in letting you create new life. What hope that endures, binding up these wounds and healing all these scars.
My legs are still unsure. Threatening to fail wherever I turn. Teaching me all the while to only lean on you.
My mind is still afire with doubt. Seeking to tear away this only salvation. Leaving behind the ashen heap of my heart. But even that can be restored.
What an unquenchable thirst running through my soul. Leaving what once brought pleasure dull and dim. What an exclamation radiating to the ends of the earth, whispering through your scars, “It is finished!”
I’ll stand here with these scars, with these wounds. But instead of trying to restore order to this brokenness, seeking to cover all that is deemed unsightly or undesirable;
My God, I will stand here with all of my scars, rejoicing because I share them with you.”
So whether you’re in a season of feeling stuck, or a season of freedom, I encourage you to take heart and remember that we have been given the beautiful opportunity to choose life over death. We have been given the ability to say yes to Christ and no to death. We’re not bound to our feelings; rather we’ve bound our hearts to God, our limitless and fearless advocate.
