In high school, I wanted my senior year to end the day it started. Ever since I was a junior, I felt like I was ready to graduate, just ready to move on with my life and get out of the middle-sized town I grew up in. When the time came to narrow down my college choices, I had two front-runners, one of which was The Ohio State University.
This college, which eventually would become my future home, is one of the nation's largest universities. At 60,000 strong, it is considered a small city, it even has its own zip code. After a year at Ohio State, I learned more about myself from that experience than I could ever have imagined.
Although I am a New York native, my parents were born and raised in Columbus and Cleveland Ohio, respectively. I have grown up watching the Buckeyes play every Saturday during the fall. This, in turn, also means that I have hated the Michigan Wolverines, ever since I could distinguish those maize and blue uniforms. Ever since I knew that there was an Ohio State University, I wanted to go. Come college application season, I had the grades I needed to get in, got a decent amount of scholarship money, and sent in my deposit as quickly as I could. I immediately remember thinking how great it would be to get so far away from every aspect of high school, and that I could become the person I wanted to be, not the person I was pretending to be. The summer leading up to freshman year was filled with excitement about going off to college, and by the time move-in day came around, I was beyond ready. In the back of my mind I was nervous as hell, but everyone was, whether you lived 30 minutes or 18 hours away from home, it was college, and it was scary.
When you throw a bunch of 18 year olds into one of the biggest college campuses in the country, having fun is kind of inevitable. The first few weeks are filled with partying, meeting new people, and experiencing everything that is college. But, towards the end of the first semester, I began to feel as though I was lost. I was doing well academically, but what most people forget is that doing "well", does not just encompass schoolwork. It in part is your well-being, and when it came to mine, I was failing. The big school aspect was getting to me, and I felt like one in 60,000 was really more like one in a million. I wasn't involved, I felt almost as if there was too much going on for me to even dig any roots and get into something. I had great friends, but I still felt far away from them somehow. I was homesick, but just as homesick as any other college student who leaves home for school would be; in other words, I knew that wasn't what was wrong. I just felt out of place, like I didn't belong here, like me and a big school just didn't quite fit right, and I felt as though I was wrong to feel that way.
The time then came when I realized I had to transfer from Ohio State, and making that decision was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. However, it taught me more about myself and the people I love than anything ever could have. For starters, a big college is not meant for everyone, in fact, it's not for a lot of people. Also, when you arrive at a huge university, or any university for that matter, your experience is what you make of it. If you decide not to get involved, that's your choice, but don't expect life to just happen for you, you have to go out and get it. It taught me that when you realize some aspect of your life is not the way you want it to be, you have to change it for yourself, and not for anybody else. I also realized that my parents and my closest friends want nothing but happiness for me. When it comes to the important things, they don't have expectations or demands, and won't discourage me from making the best decision for myself. But more than anything, going to Ohio State taught me that it's not the end of the world when you decide to make a change.
Change is good, in fact, change can be great. In my case, I'm 10 times happier now than I was last year, in so many ways. The best part is, I still keep in contact with my old friends from Ohio State, and get to visit from time to time. It was not the end of the world. The Ohio State University is still one of the best colleges in the country in my opinion, it just wasn't for me, and I've realized that's okay. It takes a lot to really look at yourself and figure out what makes you happy, but if you find the courage to do it, it can change your life in the most amazing ways.
