Friendship can be a difficult relationship. Sometimes it’s hard to know when the relationship needs more work, or when to cut if off completely. There’s a fine line between a bad friendship, and a friendship that needs care. Friendships can also boost mental health—if friendships are bad, you feel bad. One of the harder things I have ever done is break a friendship. When I get invested in a friendship, I go in deep: I am loyal to the end, and if they reciprocate my friendship we can find ourselves inseparable until suddenly the friendship breaks and I have no one. This happens all too often, and the loneliness can be all consuming. Friendships are the cornerstone of a healthy mind: they are emotional support during dark times, outlets, and people with whom you share large pieces of yourself with—so cutting these ties, as it often is for me, can be devastating.

Here are some examples from my personal life of toxic friendships:

1. They are quick to tell you about their issues, but hesitant to ask you of yours.
2. They will go days—maybe even weeks—ignoring you and reaching out to you only when they need you.
3. Humiliating you in front of others with secrets or insecurities you privately disclosed with them.
4. Consistently break plans on you ten minutes before you are to meet, or exactly when you are supposed to meet.
5. Refuse to acknowledge that they may have hurt your feelings.
6. You invite them out with other friends, but they not only do not do the same thing, but they no longer invite you to your own plans.
7. They invalidate your emotions and feelings.
8. When you’re with them it feels like you have to be very careful with what you say because they offend easily or misinterpret most things you say negatively.

My “go-to” in friendships is that if you are always unsure of how they feel about you, it is not a relationship worth maintaining. Someone that is not open with you about their feelings is not someone you can foster a healthy relationship with. When you’re with your friend you should be enjoying yourself, not watching your language, and you should never feel like you’re walking on egg shells around your friends. That’s the thing about friendships—you are equals, and if at one point you don’t feel as if you are, that’s a problem. Something I have noticed is that these friendships, the ones that always feel like you’re running with the ground disappearing under your feet, tend to fade apart on their own. Suddenly you stop reciprocating their texts, saying you’re busy, and you stop being friends almost the next day, drifting apart so quickly and so easily it’s almost strange. However, you’ll find yourself able to breathe fully after a few days, and that’s for sure how you know it was the right decision to step away. You deserve the best, and while you can’t ask for the best without offering it as well, that doesn’t mean that you need to make excuses in your friendship. Friendships, like any other relationship are work, but it’s important to recognize that sometimes all the work in the world isn’t going to repair or maintain your bonds.