What Am I Doing?

As a college student at the ripe age of twenty years old, I am asked a lot of questions about my future. Now, I'd like to tell you that I know exactly what I'm doing. I'd like to tell you that I will make a certain amount of money and that I'm going to drive a sports car. That's just not the case. I have a rough idea of what I'm doing, but the older and older I get, the more I realize that I live my life with a broad outline and I'm flexible to different opportunities. This works for most aspects of my life, yet there's one question that boggles my brain.

What are you going to do when you get older?

I have a pretty broad idea of what I want to do. I want to do something with computers and I want to help people. It wasn't until recently that I learned these thoughts might be conflicting with each other through the catalyst of my mind.

Let me explain what I mean. My mind's innate natural preference is towards feelings and concepts. I am very big on emotions and empathy, leading me towards a career choice of being a therapist or a counselor. However, I havelearned how to think logically, so my brain is wired to work with numbers and follow procedures. This doesn't sound like that big of an issue, I should just do what I am naturally geared towards, right?

"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life"

Well, that's fine and dandy until you develop a disability that makes you lose motor functions when you feel emotions. Of course, some things are worth fighting for and maybe I can work around that. Bingo! You share my exact sentiments. That's what I thought initially, and there turned out to be a medicine that I could take to help retrieve control over my body. Great! Now I'm definitely set, right?

Well, that medicine turned out to also make me focus even harder. In turn, that makes it incredibly difficult to feel my emotions. If I try and if I focus hard enough, I can feel my emotions but that just doesn't feel genuine enough. It leaves me feeling like I'm missing something that should be natural for me, that is natural for me.

And that leaves me with this weird crossroads in my life. I am left with almost no choice but to pursue a career choice that most would call a waste of my true abilities. It might leave me unfulfilled and I may never achieve my full potential with that job. Either that or I can decide to risk all of my college education thus far and switch to a different career that may leave me fulfilled and satisfied yet physically handicapped. Right now, I'm doing what I do best: I'm winging it.