From what seems like kindergarten and beyond, it feels like we were constantly asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. If you were anything like me, the answer changed constantly. Most of us had big dreams in elementary school, wanting to be astronauts, actresses, or professional athletes.

Then middle school and high school hit, and it was time to be a bit more practical. We then thought about becoming doctors and teachers, or maybe a salesperson. Regardless of what you said, the question was always asked, and growing up, we were expected to have an answer. We are expected from a young age to aspire to have some specific occupation that in reality, we probably don’t know much about.

Then, your senior year of high school hits, and the culmination of everything you wanted to be when you “grew up” comes together. Now, you are expected to pick a college based on your future career aspirations.

Then your freshman year of college comes, and reality hits you. If you’re anything like me, you’ve realized this answer to what you are going to be is nothing like you thought you wanted.

It seems a little backwards. When we are young and naive, we know exactly what we want to be. We have all the confidence in the world in our answer, and have no doubt that is exactly what we want.

But when we are supposed to have it all figured out, we have no idea if that is really truly what our passion is.

The problem is magnified because we are technically “grown up” now. Maybe not all the way there yet, but definitely in the process. We are expected to have a substantial answer to the basic question: “What are you going to be when you grow up?”

The question almost seems rhetorical at this point, because we really should know the answer.

Unless you’re me, and you have no idea what the answer is.

It feels weird to not know what you want to be, when college is put into place to get an education in order to prepare you for a future career.

It seems a little unproductive to not even know what that career is.

I have been reassured that it is normal, that I don’t need to exactly know yet, but I can’t help feel a little behind. Everywhere I turn it seems like people have it all figured out. Pre-med majors know they want to change the world through medicine, and those in business want to put their name on the map and make an influence through deals and negotiations.

I struggle to know that I want to make a difference, but I’m just not sure how.

I don’t think that I’m alone in this, and I think that many people feel a little lost. I can only hope that I will eventually find a career that suits me. As I look back at past answers to the repeated question, I smile and laugh a little bit, thinking I had it all figured out.

Because at 19, I have no idea what I want to be “when I grow up.” And I am realizing there is nothing wrong with that.