Our lives are full of lasting experiences. We make new memories all the time that enrich us. We change our minds, widen our horizons and try new things. But nothing quite compares to our firsts.
Do you remember your first kiss? The first job you ever had? The first time you went on a road trip with your friends? No matter if these experiences top the charts as being the best ever, sink into the mire of being the worst or fall somewhere in between, chances are, you probably remember a lot more about them than you realize. The value of experiencing something for the first time helps us frame those experiences for the rest of our lives.
My family has been going on the same vacation for approximately 20 years, but I will never forget the first time we set up camp on Ocracoke Island, North Carolina. With our shared tent staked into the sand just over the dunes from the Atlantic Ocean, we spent our days splashing in the surf, and our nights listening to the crash of the waves as they lulled us to sleep. This place was a sublime paradise. It isn’t often that the water is so clear that you can see your toes, but it was that year, and we fell in love.
Another striking memory from these family trips was my husband’s first trip to the island. As we layed in our tent, our bodies covered with sleeping bags to ward off the swarm of no-see-ums we had inadvertently let follow us inside, I was so worried that being attacked by voracious insects had sullied his first taste of Ocracoke. It was his first vacation with our family, the first time he had ever helped set up a tent on the beach by moonlight (at 1:00 a.m., no less) and certainly the first time he had ever been attacked by so many bugs at once. It was at least 90 degrees Fahrenheit, with not even a breeze to give us a much-needed gasp of fresh air as we hid, slowly sweating to death.
Devastated, I was sure that he would hate it, now. Filled to overflowing, my mind raced. Would this be our first and last trip to Ocracoke together? How, when his first taste of my favorite place was among my own worst experiences, could he ever see what I saw in this island? On a framework so tarnished by the bad, would he be able to appreciate the good? At this rate, would there even be any good?
But my own expectations were shattered a few days later. As we laid side by side, staring up at the stars through the mesh of our tent’s door flap, a gentle breeze cooling the salty night air, my husband admitted to me that someday, he wanted to live on Ocracoke. While the experiences at the beginning of our trip were quite terrible, rather than letting them ruin the island forever, he had taken the good with the bad and come to love the place as much as I had.
How could I have forgotten my own firsts on Ocracoke? Many years prior, I spent a very painful, sleepless night with a tent full of no-see-ums, but that experience didn’t make me hate the place. One year, we encountered a storm so fierce, it destroyed all of our camping equipment, but that didn’t stop us from coming back. As a family, we had shared many memories there. Just like my husband, we didn’t let the bad times spoil everything.
Now, fresh from our third trip together with my family to the island, my husband and I spent the week making new memories and experiencing new firsts (some good, some bad). While the wind kept the insects at bay this year, it also destroyed our tent (a wedding present we are very sad to lose). We watched the solstice full moon churn the blackened sea like liquid metal under its glow, but we also spent a sleepless night in the car when our damaged tent couldn’t keep out the rain.
There are no perfect moments in life. To impose such a high standard is unfair, and if you do, you’ll miss so much of what life has to offer. It’s important to keep that in mind, especially while experiencing firsts (or seconds, or thirds). Take the bugs, the storms and the conflicts in life, but also take the clear water, the brilliance of the stars and the heartfelt confessions. Use them to build a frame. Take a look. And don’t be afraid to see the whole picture, even when it exceeds your own expectations.
