Wow, where did the time go? It seemed like just yesterday I was carrying boxes upon boxes of items I was convinced I’d need up into my first dorm room. I was meeting new people, testing the waters with new clubs, and trying to figure out what the heck I was doing in college anyway. Would I major in English and be a writer like my ten-year-old self would want for me? Would I find something completely new that I’d fall in love with or would I never really figure anything out? It was a time of not really knowing anything for certain, and I reminded myself that I had the next four years to get a proper grip on where my life was headed. That was scary, but at least I had some security for the time being.
At some point during that first semester I was working so hard to find out what I liked. Sure, I really loved writing and was pretty good at English, but I also liked acting in plays, and I cared about mental health. That seemed to be safe, and that’s what I needed. Something safe that would make me feel like I had made the most of my time in college. Now I am officially more than halfway done with college and while a lot has changed for me, I am still in a similar boat as I was my freshman year. While I expected to spend a lot of time figuring things out, I certainly didn’t expect my aspirations to be made so clear. They smacked me in the face, actually, but not before I allowed myself to break down the walls I’d built to keep me secure.
One day I finally realized that I wasn’t truly happy with what I was doing. I love English, don’t get me wrong, and I still hope to study it. I love writing and reading and poetry, but I wasn’t in love with it. I didn’t see myself motivated enough to pursue it more than anything I’d pursue in my free time. Sure, it was safe, but it wasn’t the dream. So one day I asked a friend, “is it crazy to pursue a career in acting?” And she said yes.
At that moment, I can honestly say that I had never felt so certain about any career path.
I stuck with my English major (which I still really love) and I spent the rest of my time reading up on how the pro’s did it, how I could improve myself, how I could meet people in the business, and gain experience. While my school didn’t have a theatre major at the time, I made every effort to get what I could out of the education I was offered. I stayed up late memorizing lines and talking to my drama professors, auditioning left and right, and loving every single minute of it. Now, I am preparing monologues for competitions I have been invited to and applying for acting schools. Is it crazy? Absolutely. But we live in a crazy, crazy world, and I would never be satisfied pursuing anything else.
Life spent plenty of time shouting in my face, “you’re wrong!” and I ignored it. Life tried to show me my real passion but I pushed the possibility away because I was convinced that I’d never make a living doing something I actually loved. I’d never be able to make it in the real world, which can be a cruel and unforgiving one. But that’s what life is all about. Taking risks is what makes it worthwhile, and if I can’t make a living doing what I want, I’ll keep trying until I can. I’ll never, ever stop, and I’ll never look back on college and think that I’d wasted my time there. My time at school has taught me that risks are good. You don’t always have to search for answers, sometimes answers find you. And most of all, saying “yes” to things that sound crazy is something I’ll never forget.
