Relax everyone, all families are dysfunctional.
As children, we grow up watching Disney movies and television shows that show us how our families are supposed to act. Everyone gets along, by the end of every episode the problem is resolved, and everyone hugs their minuscule issues out. The parents are perfect, the siblings are close, the cousins are best friends, and grandparents watch with pride. Holidays are filled with nothing but peace and laughter, family roles are perfectly carried out, and everyone gets along.
As lovely as that sounds, that is not the case for 99% of families. Allow me to set the record straight: no family is perfect and we all deal with a level of dysfunction.
Yes, families are filled with lots of love and great bonds but let's not forget that they can be filled with jealousy, drama, pettiness, secrets, and downright craziness at some points as well. Why the dysfunction, you ask? Because a family is comprised of human beings with different personalities, views, outlooks, thought processes, and lifestyles. If you think those things always mesh well, you should think again.
I'm sorry to break it to you but the modern everyday family is less like Cosby's and more like the Kardashians. Well, minus the Kardashian curse and all. It's so easy to point dysfunction in other families but let's take a nice little look at our own.
As a developed pictures, we love hard and make the best memories together. From grandparents to grandchildren, everyone shares some type of bond. Let's also add that our entire family makes one heck of a beautiful photo.
On the other side, all families have to work with the negatives. We hurt each other's feelings, we stop talking for periods of time, and even cut ties all together. Some of us take our most loyal relatives for granted while others defend them to the death. We go through some very hard times together.
Families are complex with many different pieces and functions but we somehow make it work. Not perfect, but functional.
There is no such thing as a perfect family
For those who pretend that everything is perfect, realize that they are likely the ones with most to deal with. There is no such thing as the perfect family. You think no one else deals with this family drama? Think again. Not many people like to openly discuss family issues. By nature, we try to protect our own and often omit the hard times we endure or the shortcomings of those family members that hurt us. We do this because we love them. It doesn't mean we are all perfect or that we don't go through trials. We simply keep our business private and we should. The source of the most drama may not be in your household but I'm sure anyone could easily identify a person or situation in their family that shakes the proverbial family tree.
How do I deal with the family members that drain and abuse me?
It's quite simple... you don't. Just because someone is your relative, it doesn't mean you have to take their drama and negativity all the time. Sometimes you have to love those family members from a distance and preserve your inner peace. Chances are you have more family members that bring you the happiness and love you deserve. Spend your time with them. If you have to miss out on a family event because the people there are bad for you, so be it.
Stop trying to fix it
As peacemakers, we want to make all things right but have to accept that sometimes we can't. This is one of those situations. You can't change people or make them act as you think or wish they should. You can't make everyone get along or appreciate each other and you can't change what is. You just have to accept that though you are a part of a family, you are also your own person. Find yourself and your place in life. No, it won't make your entire family fall into line but it will certainly help you deal with it and detach from the things, people, and situations that aren't good for you.
Family Over Everything
No matter how dysfunctional your family may be, know that family is forever. You can't throw away a whole family unit because there are pieces missing or it doesn't work as you think it should. Be there, support, love, and always remember that this is the family that God chose for you. Accept it, learn from it, and add value to it. It may not be your perfect Disney family, but it will always be yours.
