Weird Things That Can Only Happen In Tallahassee

As my four short years of undergrad here at the great Florida State University are coming to an end, my friends and I decided to look back and reminisce on the times we’ve had together. In this wonderful city of Tallahassee, some weird events have gone down. One thing I think I’ll miss the most about this “Disney World” for college students are all the memories that were made with my friends, involving $2 vodka water limes and really bad decisions. As I tell you about some of these awful decisions, I am going to keep my friends anonymous. One, I want to still have friends after this article. And two, I would like to see my friends get jobs after college since we are about to graduate in a few short months.

Title I: The Missing Dog.

As we were walking to our Uber for our big night at the Coliseum, a dog on the loose approached the car. Well, my good friend, let's call her Nancy, was very amused by this little pup. My friend, being the hero that she is, decides to save the dog and keep it as her own. Saves, not kidnaps or abducts. Right...? “You guys! Look at the cute puppy I found. I’m keeping it.” Once we realized there was no owner to claim this dog, she decided that it was a good idea to keep the dog in our apartment so that it would not ruin the nights festivities. Once we got home, Nancy realized that her new best friend was no longer there. A heavily intoxicated "Nancy" had to be reminded by her sober roommate (keep in mind these two didn’t see eye to eye) that this dog did not belong to her and she could not keep it. Moral of the story: You can’t steal someone else’s dog because it will end up disappointing you and you will cry. A lot.

Title II: The Night of the Missing Toenail.

Back when Baja's was a thing (RIP to Fridays at Baja's you are missed) one of my friends decided to keep the party alive after one of her shoes decided to break. You go girl, don't let anything stand in your way. Anyways, after a long night of grinding with cute boys, maybe giving out a few numbers, she decided to take a trip home.
To her utter and complete surprise, in result from her being barefoot in Baja's, one of her toenails "went missing."

In complete horror, she decided to call Baja's. My heavily intoxicated friend, we can call her Betsy, left a distraught voicemail to whoever owns Baja's in demand for her missing toenail. I can't tell if she was crying from laughter or if they were real tears.

At the end the day, we may never know. We do know that the toenail was never given back.

Title III: My Girl Got a Girlfriend.

Picture this: Valentine's Day 2015! You would think that it'd be nice, romantic day with your sweetheart. Wrong. My friend Mona and her "thing" weren't official, so they decided to go out and drink instead of have a nice night in. Let's just say, the night out ended in her getting sick at the bar, in the taxi, and then one last time when she got home. Except she didn't make it "home" necessarily, but back to her bae's house. You would think they made it home together, but instead, she woke up alone, only to find that her bae slept in the other room... with his other bae. Yeah. So they went and got breakfast and left him there to figure out WTF his life is. Idk whether to say "FML" or "TFM"? Just Tallahassee things!

Title IV: Halloweek in the Nasty.

Halloween in Tallahassee: a week where you can be anything you want with no judgements. Well, one of my friends Amy -- she's a crazy one, went out to Rokbar to celebrate Halloween the Tally way. All was going well... until 4 a.m. hit. With no way of getting into her home, Amy decided her best option was to travel down to the local Four Points Hotel on Tennessee Street and rent a room for the night, just being lavish. Waking up in her Halloween costume, being a tight black body suit, no pants, and thigh-high boots she awaited her ride in the hotel lobby. Oh Amy, this is a story you need to tell your grandkids.

Maybe it's this town. Maybe it's my group of friends. The world may never know.