"I would say that each of us has only one thing to gain from the feminist movement: Our whole humanity. Because gender has wrongly told us that same things are masculine and some things are feminine... Which is bullshit." - Gloria Steinem
Growing up in a household with two older brothers I always thought I could do whatever they were doing. Whether it was building fake wooden guns or playing hide and go seek in our neighborhood, I always thought I could tag along. Yet, this was not true. You see, my parents never allowed me to go with them, and at the time I thought it was because I was the youngest of three. I later found out it was because I was a girl. And not to fault my parents, because they've been amazing in raising me, but they come from a generation that would stick to traditional gender roles.
As I grew up though, I began to question why being a girl limited my experiences? I mean, I never thought that because I was a girl and my brothers were boys, I shouldn’t be able to do some of the same fun things they did, right? Well, here’s the thing: It wasn’t just my mother and father who thought this way.
More often than not, we accept the things we think we cannot change. After all, we’ve grown up tolerating these roles between men and women as the ultimate truth. Throughout time, men and women have existed in almost polar opposite spheres in society. We neglect to consider the possibility that we are not that different after all. That our worth as human beings do not have to fit any specific mold. Though we are making strides in equality between men and women, time and time again we are still subjected to obvious stereotypes, senseless judgment, and tiresome assumptions. Though much of the pressures to fit these “standards” of society are carried by women, it doesn’t come to a surprise how much of this weight men also seem to carry.
Even today, men and women are still limited to certain expectations, and when they don't adhere to the "norms", their behavior is immediately questioned. One example that applies even to the everyday college is student is sex.
For men, the idea of having sex is not a question of “if” but more of “when.” Men are expected to be looking for sex and gain as many notches on their bedposts in order for their “manhood” to be validated. For a guy to have sex at young age is almost seen as a rite of passage, especially among the other men in his life. Though for most men it doesn’t seem to such a trivial problem for them, some do feel the pressure to perform and often at a young age when perhaps they are not mature enough to do so.
For a woman, the pressure to repress their sexuality is almost stifling. Women have to walk virtually on a tight rope when dealing with their sexuality. They are constantly objectified and seen as sexual object but the moment they wish to express their own sexual needs on their own terms, they are seen as downgraded in society. It is down right paradoxical. Women must inhibit their sexual needs to satisfy culture’s need for a “virgin” woman yet most also satisfy men’s sexual needs which are seen are normal behavior.
As for what is expected of men and women as they’re growing up, things are still pretty much at a standstill. Though more women are graduating from college and pursuing careers, there’s the ever present need to prove themselves as women by having children. Here’s the thing: having children is the not the only way to prove you are a woman. To simply exist is enough.
For men, you are allowed to have a family but not be a family man at times. Men are seen as the epitome of stability, security, and provider but not as the nurturer of homes. It is still rare to find men who are stay at home dads simply because they want to be and have no problem with their wives being the provider. Modern culture still tags a price on men’s pride based how much they can provide towards their families, but not really how they can nurture their families.
This is only the tip of an extremely large and old iceberg. Gender roles have often been a troubling subject to deal with even in today’s society where it is a supposed more “liberating” time. Much of what sets these standards regarding men and women is actually set by men themselves. We still live in a patriarchal society that is in fact also harming men. I’ll leave you with this question: if you could stand as a third party observer of your life, what are some things you would consider changing regardless of your gender?
