The world of dating is a DISASTER. Hardly anyone is straight up about their intentions and it's easy to get attached way too quickly. However, through dealing with f*ckboys, I've realized that there is one bae who won't break my heart. Her name is Mary Jane. Cannabis. Marijuana.
1. Mary Jane is always there for me after a horrible first date
First dates are so anxiety producing, and they don't always go well. But, when the first date goes horribly, you can roll a joint and let Mary Jane hold you in her warm embrace.
2. Weed will never lead you on
Boys might lead you to think that they're SUPER into you, but they're only there for sex. This can get your emotions in a HUGE bind, but weed would NEVER do that to you. Weed is very clear about its intentions. You will (probably) feel more relaxed, and happier than before you took that bong rip. However, that guy you're smoking with might not be as clear about his intentions as your true love, marijuana.
3. If marijuana had a Tinder profile, it wouldn't include shirtless pictures
What more do I need to say here, honestly?
4. Weed isn't going to judge you for how much of that pizza you just ate
If anything, weed is applauding you for finishing that extra large pizza by yourself tonight. Weed gave you the munchies and it's going to be proud when you finish scarfing. However, your tinder date? Probably not into it.
5. There is no way Marijuana can ghost you
Of course, if you don't live in a state/area where marijuana is legal, then your dealer COULD ghost you. But, if you live in a legal state/area with access to dispensaries, you have no worries. Waaaaaaay safer than swiping on tinder and getting attached to a f*ckboy.
6. Weed is always down to do whatever, whenever
Want to smoke a bowl near a river? Want to smoke a joint on top of a mountain? Want to hotbox your friends' minivan in the city? Marijuana is down for it, but will your potential tinder date be?
7. If you're feeling really anxious or depressed, weed is here to help you out
Weed (as long as you get the right strains) will help relax you and calm you the f*ck down. Way better than some boy you could rant to and wait four hours for a "that sucks" text message. Skip the drama and just smoke a bowl.
8. Big bong rip energy > big dick energy
Let's just be real here.
9. Lastly, there is no way a bong could break my heart the way a guy I loved can
So, don't mind me. Just hanging out with my bong and enjoying the sunset over here.
