I am getting married THIS WEEK, AHHH! I am so excited about this marriage to be, but I also realize it will have its ups and downs and highs and lows. But, the one thing that will remain constant through all the highs and lows is that this marriage is a life long commitment. It is forever. That is not to be taken lightly. Because of that, I am so glad that me and my soon to be husband decided to do our best to put more weight on preparing for our marriage rather than just preparing for the short wedding day. Although the wedding day is a big deal, it isn't the biggest deal. It is one day, but our marriage will be forever. That's why we decided to read books, listen to teaching, and get counseling and advice from married and wise people. I will admit that we didn't start this process until about half way through our engagement, but I am so glad we got the counseling we did BEFORE our marriage started.

At first, we both felt so much pressure in the planning, spending, and making this day so special. But, being obsessed, and stressed all the time is SO draining and it gets old very fast. I got to a point in the engagement where I just wanted to elope and call it good. I know what you might be thinking, "Why would you want to do that? You only get to have this special day once. Don't you want it to be everything you have always dreamed?" Yes I do, but more than that I want this MARRIAGE to be everything I have always dreamed of, and adding that extra stress to the beginning of a marriage is simply not worth the fuss. Let me explain what I have experienced from my engagement and seen from other peoples engagements. The good and the bad.

Obsessed. The wedding day is something most girls, and even some guys, dream about for many years. Some girls have Pinterest boards before they are even in a relationship. They deeply invest their hearts, dreaming and gleaming about that special day to come. If you ask most unmarried girls what their dream wedding looks like, they could probably give you every detail from A-Z. Now, I don't think it is wrong to dream or get excited about your wedding; it is a very special moment, and you only get to do it once. But, I think we (myself included) tend to spend more time worrying about the outward expression of marriage (The Wedding) rather than actual marriage to be. I believe we have put so much emphasis and stress on the actual wedding day that we sometimes don't tend or prepare for the actual lifelong marriage. Because of this, many people have very rough and unwelcoming starts to their marriage or worse, they get a divorce. Why? Because it isn't the fairy tail they have always dreamed of. The truth of the matter is that marriage is work. It is amazing, and such a blessing, but it doesn't come with an instruction manual the day of the wedding. You have to prepare and PRAY leading up to the start of your marriage.

Stressed. Americans spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on their dream wedding. I understand that this is your one time to "go all out" and buy anything and everything, but I just don't get the obsession. Why spend all of that money on a wedding when you could use that money to pay off some debts or even on a down payment on a house for your new family. In my opinion, that is a lot more beneficial to a newlywed couple than a day that costs the same amount or more. The truth of the matter is people probably wont remember every little detail of your wedding. Actually, I have talked to many couples recently who don't even remember the details of their own wedding. So, It isn't worth the stress. At the end of the day, your wedding will be wonderful because it is about one thing; the joining of two people in a beautiful, forever covenant in the presence of God and loved ones. A wedding would not be a wedding without that. On the contrary, the wedding would still be beautiful and meaningful without the million dollar costs, extra glam, and extra stress. You must ask yourself what is most important leading up to your wedding, the one day stresses, or the forever covenant marriage.

Focus your sights on what is most important. Care for the heart of your soon to be marriage and not just your one time wedding. Think about how you can prepare, pray, and pave the way for your marriage to be Godly and whole. All the little cute wedding things can just be additives. Have cutesy center-pieces, wear the dress you feel gorgeous in, and dance the night away, but please don't neglect your marriage to be for the sake of wedding planning. What would our marriages look like if we put more weight on the forever marriage than the one time wedding? I think we should come up with a new engagement tactic called "Marriage Planning" where we become obsessed with the things that will make our marriage flourish and blossom. The wedding of your dreams is great I am sure, but spend more time and energy building the marriage of your dreams which lasts a lifetime.