“On Wednesdays we wear black”—American Horror Story, Coven
Pro: Great! You look damn good in it! Black is slimming and it is truly flattering with every skin tone! No matter who you are, everyone can pull of wearing black.
Pro: Every other piece of clothing will go with it. Whether you’re wearing a neon green top or deep maroon skinny jeans, black will match! By having a variety of black tops, bottoms, and shoes, you will always have something to wear with that one outrageous piece of clothing that doesn’t seem to go with anything else!
Pro: Black works as a camouflage for most stains. If you’re like me, you’ve probably ended up with more spaghetti on your clothes than you get in your mouth. The bright side is that you can wipe away the sauce and let those stains live in secrecy on your clothes forever! My personal favorite aspect in wearing all black—covering up those sweat stains! If you’re outfit is black enough, no one will ever know that you’re a sweaty mess. Unless of course someone breaks that touch barrier… But if you’re wearing all black, chances are you don’t send off the vibe that you like to be touched!
Con: Counter to that, there are a few stains that stand out on black, more so than anything else. We’ve all seen the true horrors of deodorant transfer onto our tops, completely ruining that possible outfit for the day. The bright side is that you can usually fix this with a dampened cloth.
Pro: Black is perfect for almost every occasion! Black skinny jeans and a T-shirt? Comfortable. A little black dress? Elegant. Layered black? Stylish.
Pro: Black is the most common color for all pieces of clothing. Black is also common for all fabrics—need a leather bustier? It comes in black! Need a loose cotton tee? It comes in black! A pair of leggings? Look, they’re in black! A pair of boots to match all of your outfits? Black! It would just be easier to give into the dark side… and buy in black.
Pro: Two words: Black Lipstick. It looks great on all skin tones and it can really spice up your makeup in a unconventional way! Not to mention, it makes your teeth appear whiter.
Pro: Black is not seasonal! You can wear black any time of the year, and I strongly encourage it!
Con: The issue that lies with black not being seasonal is that summer sun… You look absolutely great in your little black romper—but perhaps you don’t feel as great as you look. That all black outfit of yours is absorbing all of the wavelengths of the sun, significantly more than your white romper would! As the light is absorbed, the energy is converted and starts emitting heat. But hey, at least black best conceals those sweat stains! We all have to pick our battles.
Pro: You can save so much time in the morning by wearing all black! I can only speak for myself, but the mornings are not my most coherent part of the day. If I’m deciding what to wear for the day just that morning, I usually don’t have enough brainpower to find something that matches well. Black it is!
Pro: Black matches my soul. If you’re like me, sometimes others just can’t handle your constant sarcasm and dead-inside attitude. Wearing all black helps get the message across before you even have to make that emotionless eye-contact. If someone still happens to approach you and dares to make comment on your attire, the all black helps deter that conversation from continuing.
“Why are you wearing so much black?”
“I’m waiting for your funeral.”
I’d say that about wraps up enough reasons for you to go change. Now.
Did you notice that there are only two possible cons to wearing all black? And I’ve even provided you with reasons as to why it’s still okay! I’d say that the answer is clear: It’s time to get “Back in Black”! I mean, let’s be honest with ourselves… Once you go black, you never go back.
