Why We Need to Talk More About Consent in Relationships

Why We Need to Talk More About Consent in Relationships

A label is not a green light.
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All over social media, we're bombarded with statuses, tweets, articles, videos, etc. about consent (or lack thereof), and yes, it is super important.

Yet, the type of consent addressed most often directs more towards the single people in our "hook-up" culture. We rarely ever hear or read about consent in regards to relationships.

It's obvious to me the same rules would (and should) apply to a single man or woman that apply to a married man or woman, as well as every other man or woman in between.

Yes, relationships and marriages require compromise; however, everyone has limits, so why do we pretend like sexual assault and sexual abuse don't exist between couples?

A label is not a green light.

A ring is not a green light.

A marriage license is not a green light.

You don't get to have a handsy free-for-all as soon as you put a rock on her finger. Just because someone commits him/herself to you doesn't mean you're granted permission to disrespect that person's body.

Your girlfriend's curves might be "your's", but if she doesn't want you touching her, leave her alone.

You might appreciate your man's body, but that doesn't give you permission to grab him whenever you feel like it.

You might think it's funny to push, poke, or hit your partner playfully, but it doesn't excuse you from respecting his/her boundaries.

Consent comes from one thing and one thing only... A non-hesitant, non-provoked, non-persuaded, enthusiastic YES!

If you guilt your spouse into having sex with you when he/she isn't in the mood, THAT IS NOT CONSENT. (I'm not saying you rape your significant other, but if the other person isn't 100% willing, it still isn't consent.)

Consent is a situation where variables don't apply. Unlike many things falling into the gray, consent is black and white. Stop means stop, and no means no, regardless of the person's relationship status, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

The things happening behind closed doors and "Welcome Home" mats still happen. We shouldn't just sweep them under the rug after the wedding or after it becomes FBO. They are real, and we need to talk about them. Just open your ears and listen.

Cover Image Credit: Council for Relationships

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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10 Things Girls Secretly Love

Come on guys — take a hint.

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Let's face it, girls can be a little stubborn at times and not directly come out and say what they want. But, a few of these should be obvious clues that boys should be able to pick up on. So I have comprised a short list of at least ten obvious things girls, or at least I secretly love.

1. Leave her cute texts

Quickest way to put a smile on her face or leave butterflies in her stomach is to send her a cute text. Even if it's simple

2. Kiss her in front of your friends

Don't be one of those guys that treats your girlfriend/SO differently because you are around your friends. It validates that she really means something to you if you still show her off around your friends.

3. Tell her she looks beautiful

Even if she denies it and says she looks gross, you've still managed to get her attention and show her you think she's beautiful no matter what.

4. Kiss her forehead

5. Let her take photos of you

Slight obsession over your boyfriend is normal, I promise, she just thinks your adorable.

6. Tell her when you have something to do, don't just ignore her randomly

Most girls won't be mad when you have something else to do. It's the fact that you couldn't take the time to send a text that would probably take a minute to write to let her know you aren't just dodging her messages.

7. Play with her hair

If she does it for you, then you do it for her. Don't just let her play with your hair for a half hour then run your fingers through her hair twice and think your done. No, we want the relaxing feeling of fingers running through our hair too.

8. Watch movies with her

You don't always need to go out and do something active, watching a movie and cuddling is nice too. Netflix and Chill

9. Let her fall asleep on you

10. Be her best friend

Sometimes all you need is someone to laugh at stupid jokes with, sing loudly in the car with, or just sit in silence and listen to the world outside a car window.

Every girl wants to feel special and treated the right way in a relationship. But just as girls are stubborn, guys are just a little bit clueless. So take notes boys.

Cover Image Credit:

Maille Dolan

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