We Fall In Love Three Times

We Fall In Love Three Times

and I was lucky enough to meet my last.
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There’s a theory out there that says we have three loves in our lifetime; each of these for a different reason.

The theory goes like this:

The first love is when you’re young. You don’t really know what love is supposed to feel like, so you don’t ever question if it’s right or wrong. You just go with the flow. It makes you happy, you think. You double date with your friends in high school, you go to school dances, and a lot of the times, your parents drive you around because you’re still too young to have your driver’s licenses. This love is purely lust.

The second love is a hard love. You fall hard and you fall fast. It’s a love that you can’t describe because it’s so different from the first one, and you only know what the first one felt like. This love tends to be unhealthy; unbalanced and extremely emotional. You spend way too much time with this love, probably because you’re old enough to drive yourselves around now. A lot of times this can lead to physical or emotional abuse. You probably stayed in this relationship way longer than you should have. Making things work is more important than making things healthy. This is probably the worst breakup you will go through. You’ll feel like your entire world has come crashing down and you’re struggling to put the pieces back together because the pieces are on top of you, suffocating you. This love is based off of passion.

The third love is your last. It’s the one that is completely and utterly unexpected. This love often times feels too good to be true. It just works, everything goes smoothly, and you have no idea how you got so lucky. There are no requirements to be loved or accepted. It’s so true and genuine that even after a year you still can’t believe it’s yours. Through whatever life complications arise, you come out stronger than ever. Nothing can make you grow apart. This love is commitment.

I’m lucky enough to say that I’ve found my final love. Although, getting to him hasn’t been easy.

My first love was my freshman year of high school. We were together for about four months. We went to our first Winter Formal together, he came and met my horse, and things ended, and now, five years later, we still talk, he’s happy for me when I’m happy, and I’m happy for him when he’s happy. He’s watched me struggle, and he told me he would always be a phone call away. I’m lucky to have had him as a first love.

Oh the awkwardness of the group photos..

My second love lines up exactly like the theory says it should. We were together for a year and a half, six months longer than we should have been. We spent way too much time together and argued way more than we should have- probably because we loved way harder than we should have for our age. This boy taught me that I don’t need a boy to love me in order to love myself. He taught me how to love someone regardless of their flaws. He taught me how to fight; how to stand up for what I believe in. This was the hardest breakup I went through, and I went through it about six or seven times in those last six months. We don’t talk anymore. It’s too hard to remember what we had and how terribly it ended.

My third love is the best thing that ever happened to me. We met unexpectedly, and he fit every aspect of what I was looking for. These are screenshots of the conversation I had with the friend that introduced us.

Everything about being with JP feels right. My family loves him, I love his family. He loves my horse, and she loves him (the most important thing ever, obviously!) This boy has destroyed any preexisting thoughts I had about “love.” He’s shown me what unconditional love is and how it feels to be truly accepted. He handles my slight attitude with a smile, my ice-cream cravings without judgment, and my need for physical affection without complaints. He does have flaws himself, but they don’t impact our relationship because this love is so unconditional.


Now, I understand that I'm young and I have a lot of life left to live, but if this theory is correct, then I've found my final love.

Cover Image Credit: facebook

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Want To Be A Better Boyfriend? Try These 5 Tricks

4. Listen to her.

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Some days, it seems like girlfriends are constantly asking for more, and while they may be annoying, there are a few simple ways to stop her nagging and win her praise.

1. Pay attention to her.

I promise you, she is dropping hints every day. These may sound like "Awh, look at all the pretty flowers" or "I haven't been to Boba House in so long!"

2. Plan dates. 

Text her while she is at school or work, and tell her to be ready when you get home or by a certain time. Give her an idea of how dressed up she should be, but don't tell her where you're going. Then, take her to her favorite restaurant, one she's mentioned lately, or to a new movie she'd been looking forward to!

3. Pick up small gifts for her.

This doesn't have to be anything expensive, but next time you're at the grocery store pick up her favorite candy, or a small flower bouquet. Just something little that will show her you were thinking of her when you weren't together.

4. Listen to her. 

Ask about her day, and when she tells you what Sarah did at work, ask her the next day or a few days later if things got better. Take interest in her life and remind her occasionally refer back to old topics to prove you do listen.

5. Get her involved in your interests.

It doesn't all have to be about her! Ask her to watch the game with you, or to go out with you to hang with your friends. She wants to be just as involved in your life as she wants you to be involved in hers!

At the end of the day, every relationship is different. Take this advice as vaguely as needed, and learn your partner and what they expect from you! Happy dating! :)

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You Can Never Go Back To Who You Were Before You Were Cheated On

A slideshow of what they did, what it must have looked like, begins to play on loop behind your eyes.

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Immediately, the thought of it becomes unbearable. It constricts the brain, depriving it of oxygenated happiness until slowly your joyful loving memories begin to blackout in your head. That's when it begins. Like the lights dimming in a theater, once all else fades, a slideshow of what they did, what it must have looked like, begins to play on loop behind your eyes. Every bite of the lower lip, every euphorically strained facial expression, every second of decadent ecstasy.

As other thoughts begin to seep back in and the lights go back up, every scene ignites like gunpowder in the back of your skull. It isn't just sadness anymore, it's pain that burns your mind and radiates through every nerve in your fragile body. The smoke clears and you can think about other things again, but the inferno has left the ashes imprinted on the inside of your eyelids. Every time you close your eyes, you see it all again.

Of course, you didn't actually see any of it. It's all just what your psyche, in the fragile state it's in, imagines it to have been like. You would think that helps, not actually having seen it, but it doesn't. It doesn't give you the certainty of fact, the assurance of exactly how it happened as observed. No, now since you're left to recreate the scenes in your mind, the ash impressions on your eyelids are exaggerated. You assume that every single thing that could have happened to make it worse, did. You fill in spaces unnecessarily, adding dreadful detail that may or may not be correct (though you are convinced it is) everywhere you can.

It's only a matter of time before you start examining and over-examining every single detail of both your relationship and what happened.

Were they willing to do this to you the whole time you were dating? Remember that day early on? When you drove through the October mist, windows down and music blaring as you both screamed the lyrics to your favorite songs through the cool damp night?

That first time you said those dreaded three words once the beat faded and you pulled up to the house just giggling and smiling at each other, then you kissed under the stars? Did that mean anything to them at all? Did they really love you back then? Do they love you now? They keep saying they do.

How could they love you? How could anyone? You're unlovable. You're not good enough, you will never be enough for them. That's why they did what they did. At least, that's what you keep telling yourself. It's what keeps ringing through your ears in the recreated tone of their voice. Even as the months pass or sometimes even years, the words will still reverberate off the prison cell bars of your skull.

You'll only be convinced of it more and more as time passes and you find yourself still single. Your confidence after what happened will be nothing more than the gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe, constantly getting crushed again and again by their full weight. You'll become convinced that nobody will ever love you again, that you have nothing to love, that nobody would ever conceivably want to be in a relationship with you ever again.

And then someone does. They're sweet, they're caring, and most importantly, they make you happy. Things progress just as they normally would, only with one difference. You still bare the scar of being cheated on. You'll find yourself, early on at least, questioning if this new person in your life really means what they say and if you can trust them. You'll start drawing comparisons between their words and actions and that of your former partner. You'll find it hard to trust again. You'll find it hard to love again.

Now, everything I've written so far may not be certain. Of course, this sort of thing varies from person to person and no one account of being cheated on is true to the experiences of everyone that has ever been cheated on. This next part though, this is the only part that I can say with near absolute certainty, will happen eventually for anyone who has gone through having a partner cheat on them:

This new person will prove your fears to be wrong. They will love you, and you will allow yourself to love them. They will be trustworthy, they will be respectful, and the last thing that they would ever want to do is hurt you. Their affection will cleanse the ash marks on the back of your eyelids and mute the hissing voice in your head. In due time, they will make the pain of your last heartbreak disappear, until one day it all just becomes like a distant nightmare to you. One that they have woken you up from.

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