Help.
For many of us, this little four letter word leaves a bitter taste in our mouths. It’s like cough medicine. Deep down, you know you need it, but it tastes (and looks) disgusting.
I have never been someone who enjoys asking for help. I don’t like sharing my problems with others and honestly, I don’t want to be seen as needy, dependent or weak. On the surface, my desire is to appear strong and self-sufficient.
Much of this desire for independence comes from the American ideal of individualism. We are taught by our society to be different than everyone else. We are trained to carve our own path. We are pushed to do something new with our lives. While these individualistic ideals are good in theory, they cannot be the only ideals we seek.
At our very core, we were made for community and relationship. We were made with voices to speak to each other, ears to listen to each other, eyes to look upon each other and hands to touch each other. If you really think about it, most of us have succeeded and thrived because of significant individuals in our lives.
Because we were created for relationship, we were also created to ask for help. Although this process can be excruciatingly difficult, it is remarkably necessary.
During the month of January, Calvin College puts on the January Series, which is a series of lectures on important and current topics in our world. Last week, Justin Skeesuck and Patrick Gray told their story at the January Series.
Patrick and Justin have been friends for their entire lives. A few years ago, the two friends decided they wanted to hike the 500-mile Camino de Santiago trail in Spain. But there was a twist: Justin was in a wheelchair. Though the odds were against them, the two best friends hiked and conquered the trail. Justin and Patrick’s story is one of radical friendship, the power of community and the importance of asking for help.
As I listened to this incredible story, I was struck by Justin’s willingness to be totally dependent on those around him. Because of his neuromuscular disease, Justin is physically limited. Though he had the desire to hike the Camino de Santiago, he needed help. With an adventure that big, I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to ask for help. But Justin did it anyways. He allowed his friend Patrick and many others to be his hands and feet.
In order for Justin to ask for help, he had to be vulnerable. Justin had to recognize his areas of weakness so others could surround him with their strengths. Asking for help requires us to make our short-comings known. And this is not so we gain sympathy, but so we may experience compassion and true friendship.
The act of being vulnerable and admitting that we need help is brutal. It is so hard to ask for help. For me, there is a constant battle within my mind. One side of my mind cheers for my vulnerability, and the other side of my mind cheers for my self-sufficiency. Most often, my mind and heart chose self-sufficiency. Ultimately, when we choose self-sufficiency above all else, we rob ourselves of the chance to share our struggles and burdens with others.
Vulnerability is a practice—and so is asking for help. The more we open up to our friends, the more we recognize our weakness and the more we admit, “I need help,” the more we will shape and strengthen ourselves and our communities.
At the end of the January Series presentation, Justin said something that really stuck with me:
"When you deny someone the chance to help you, you deny them the chance for true joy."
This statement is powerful. Helping others and allowing others to help you leads to true joy and true community. Friends, we need each other. We desperately need each other.
Ask for help.
Give help.
Help.For more information on Justin and Patrick's incredible story, click here
