We’ve all caught ourselves stumbling through our days not knowing where in the hell we will go next. Many of us battle this feeling of “lost” on a day-to-day basis. For me, this sensation has been capturing my thoughts and taking over my life all too often. As of recent, I have been walking around aimlessly with no direction. Questioning every action that comes to life, even writing this piece. I question what sentence will follow this one. I am at a vulnerable point in my life. College is essential for my future, my future is something that comes up way too often for me. Hearing the questions of what’s my plan and where am I going in life? Where am I going in life? What the hell, I couldn’t even tell you what I plan to eat for dinner, let alone where I see myself in five years. The honest is truth is I don’t know.
Unsettling is the word that comes to mind when I start to indulge into deep thought about my existence. I don’t have a direction that is one thing I am certain of. The funny thing is I don’t want a direction, I like traveling with the gps off. Rolling the dice once in awhile is an okay thing to do. It’s better than okay it is sometimes the right thing to do. In my mind there is a gray area, a section of life that I don’t exactly understand, for anyone who knows me, I try to understand everything. I’ve come to perceive that the unknown is what makes me who I am.
As a junior in college I came into my third year dead set on becoming a teacher now I am for certain I will not become a teacher. For most that is frightening, this is the year we dive head first into our major. I am swimming back to the surface searching for the life support. That savior is now political science, that's for now, tomorrow it could be economics. I am certain I am not unique with all these feelings. What 20-year-old can honestly answer the question: "What do you want to do for the rest of your life?" It's an absurd question, the only ones who can answer it are the ones who are lying to themselves.
No one knows what's going to happen next, not in today's world. Our lives are constantly being refreshed and updated. Every time we open our phones or turn on the TV there is a life changing event occurring. One that will guide us down a new path, some of us will recognize it and others won’t. The most intelligent people in our society are the ones that know they cannot understand everything around them. They are the ones that realize there is a gray area floating around their existence. Yet, they are comfortable with it. People like that want to walk into that unknown and discover what they are missing.
I am constantly learning new things about myself, discovering more and more of who I am. The most sobering moment I have had in awhile was when I realized I am lost in this big world. It really shook me up, it drove me into the ground for weeks on end. I was spiraling out of control with no one to stop me. I discerned I was alone, having no one to understand what I am going through. For awhile I started to think no one would ever understand me. A kid who has no direction with a mind that never stops running coincided with an overwhelming personality. I began to think I was a burden to the people around me. That is a lot to swallow, especially, for a junior in college.
I woke up one morning to only bethink that the banal platitudes of today's world was something I didn't have to succumb to. Being lost only meant that I was being individualistic. I was really being myself. That's when this moment of bliss entered my mind. A smile entered my mouth and was projected to the world for the first time in weeks. Being lost is a thing of beauty, that is something I will never forget. For those who do not know where they are going it’s okay. For those who believe that this world is too much at times just remember you’re not alone. And for those who believe they are a weight on everyone else's shoulders just remember to tell them that life is a gym membership with a really confusing cancellation policy. On top of everything, never stop being yourself because there is only one of you. So rock on with your bad self, keep tackling the day, and refuse to be found because that is when life gets boring. As we all know, the time we have here on Earth is way too short for us to be worried about being found so instead go and get lost with everything our world has to offer.
