I love watching people fall in love. Romance movies, love songs, happy endings, fairy tales; everything you have ever learned about love makes you want it more. For quite a while now, I've watched all of my friends begin and end relationships. As a romantic, I must say, watching people fall out of love or into toxic relationships is a dream crusher.
Speaking on behalf of other best friends in the world, I think we all know that dreadful feeling of having to prepare pep talks for our broken-hearted friends. What usually doesn't change after these 2 a.m. conversations is the method to which my friends attempt to find love. Unfortunately, my friends are repeat offenders of falling for the wrong person. When the "serial dater" becomes the center of all of the gossip, no one feels sympathy for the heartache that results from craving love so much. Personally, I can never blame someone for wanting to be loved and for loving others with an open heart.
What I want though, is for my best friends to never have to hope for a love that should be entitled to every human. I know love is a sensation so indescribable we all struggle to define it, but I also believe love is self-evident.
We all know what we do not want our friends to fall for and I think the following list of qualifications should be obvious. Someone who wants love should: be respectful, be genuine, be ready to openly and honestly communicate, can be selfless and make sacrifices and compromises, want to make their S.O. laugh, be empathetic and actively participate in emotional experiences (as if it were his/her own), love deeply and unapologetically.
It seems so apparent that we all deserve nothing short of the aforementioned list. Yet, the love story our friends narrate are more so like this:
Girl meets boy, whirlwind romance occurs, and then one of the two realizes there is this a fatal flaw in the relationship. One person takes too much and gives too little or maybe these people are just incompatible. You watch the relationship play out for months, citing the same advice over and over and seeing the same catastrophic results. At one point, you feel just as invested in their relationship.
I know some of my friends are so ready for love; their only problem is finding someone with the same capacity to love wholeheartedly. When your friend falls for the wrong person, you can't help shouldering their heartbreak; because you know it's over before the couple even breaks up. Yet, they never break up, even though, "something is missing."
You know what the missing piece of the puzzle is because of the list, like the one I made. You have this absolutely perfect but completely imaginary person that you want your friend to date and then marry. You want the best for them because you know it's a mutually shared feeling. Ultimately, that epic love is just fantasy.
As much as you want to write your friends' fairytales, everyone is also entitled to making their own decisions and mistakes.
If you're reading this article as the friend who has watched bad relationships go past their expiration date, let me tell you what one of my best friends has told me:
"I know he's not perfect, I know this isn't the best relationship for me, but I can't help the way I feel about him." - Anonymous
There's something so powerful in her words. An awareness about how love just isn't logical. My heart hurts because she knows that love comes with pain and experiencing the pain is the only way she'll learn.
When it comes to my best friends, I have this parental instinct to be protective. But being a friend goes beyond that instinct. It means, instead of telling your friends what to do, patiently watch for when they need you to catch them. It's impossible to prevent all of the falls; just be their safety net. Remind your friends what love is and what love ought to be.
Love is risky because it is easy to say you possess the desires and qualities to make someone else's happiness your own; but talk is cheap. Love isn't just a statement or a declaration; it is a chain reaction of little things and simple acts, leading to an unbreakable bond.
To my friends who are searching for love, I want you to remember that you may eventually settle down but you never have to settle for less than you deserve. Make a list of what you want for your friends, and think about how you deserve the very same.
I would like to end with a toast to love. May we have it, lose it, and learn to never take it for granted.
