Practically everyone in the English speaking world has heard of the TV show "Game of Thrones". If they haven't, well, then they have been living under a rock.

Back in 2011, when the show first came out and everyone was going nuts over their new favorite thing to watch, I just couldn't get into it. I watched the first episode and didn't find it intriguing enough to continue watching every week.

A few days ago my brother finally convinced me to give it another go. So we binge watched the entire first season and this is what I, a first time Game of Thrones watcher, thought of the first season. Grab your wine and your swords because here we go...

Where is all the blood?

I was promised that this show is bloody and that everyone dies! Only four people whose names I can remember (only two I actually somewhat cared about) died. This is not what I was promised! And why has only one annoying character been killed. Yes, the snotty "I am the Dragon blood king" guy was obnoxious and I was glad that he got a bucket of gold dumped on his head, but why cant the annoying little prince have the same fate?

By the way, the gold death scene was my favorite part of the entire season. Is that morbid? I don't really care.

More wine, please!

Arya the Warrior.

I don't live under a rock so I am very much aware that Arya Stark, one of the few characters I actually care about, will turn into a bad ass. I just want that to come now, I want to see her kick some butt. More than accidentally killing a fat kid and then telling another fat kid about it.

While I am anticipating some plot elements, I am finding this show actually predictable. Now I know a little about what happens in the overall storyline, mainly which characters are still alive in the final seasons, but I don't know their story arcs. Yet I am finding myself a little bored because I can predict what will happen next. This show is trying to be elusive and unpredictable, but it makes you fear for your favorite characters too much, ultimately leading you to know when they will be killed or even how. Also there is a bit of foreshadowing so that never helps with the mystery.

I now require more wine!

So many Hogwarts people.

You got Filch and Tonks and I'm sure more will come up later. Also you have Chris from Skins which I thought was quite enjoyable and had a good laugh about with my brother. And I do love Peter Dinklage! I am enjoying getting to see actors I have never seen before in lead roles though, it opens up a whole new talent pool and the inner theatre nerd in me rejoices!

Also, where is Thomas Brodie-Sangser? I was told he was in this show. Do I have to keep watching to get to him? (I have been told that yes, I do need to keep watching to reach his character, Jojen's, introduction) That's just disappointing. Need. More. Wine.

What is up with the timeline?

I really don't understand. I don't know the map yet, partially because I fast forward through the LOOOOOOONG theme song every episode (seriously what is up with TV shows and long theme songs? Cut it back people!) but I have a hard time knowing where in the world the characters are or even how much time has passed since the last episode. Some of it seems to take place the next day and some times it seems to skip a few months. I don't understand.

I find this alienating since my brother is telling me that there will be explanations to certain mysterious plot elements in these episodes later in the show. But I don't know if I want to watch the rest just to find out one little fact that I will probably forget about by the time I reach the explanation. Just pour me more wine.

Honey, cover yourself.

I am here for the blood. I do not want to see boobs popping out every five seconds, nor do I want to see a woman pleasuring another woman while a man talks about the plot, and I certainly don't want to watch so much incest. I just want to see some more creative killings. If I want to see naked women, I will search the internet like a normal person. This show is very NSFW. I understand the allure of being able to show full frontals for the first time, but the creative teams really needed to reign it in a bit. It was verging on uncomfortable. I require more wine to get through this. Pour it out!

Joffry is annoying and I hate him.

That is all.

Will I watch Season 2?

Well I don't really know. Probably not. Good thing I didn't spend ten hours watching the first season right? *laughs nervously into wine glass*